Entries from July 2010 ↓

Hey all! Here's a quick reminder that we're still taking submissions for a new anthology put together by myself, Louis Fowler and Rod Lott! The submission deadline was extended to mid August, so you still have plenty of time to wrap up your entries! We've got a good ...

Okay, that post title is misleading: tonight's episode of The Scare-ening is for everyone's ears. Sorry. Still, if you sing the post title in your best Sheena Easton voice you'll feel fine. Trust me. I've done it. I'm even doing it now!

Anyway, listen to the show. 8pm for you west coasties, 11pm for those of you who follow a more easterly bent. Tonight Heidi and I welcome comic writer Dirk Manning (Nightmare World) to our world of swearing and bitterness. Join in the fun, won't you? WON'T YOU??

Review by Sarah “Fatally Yours” Reviews A group of homeless goth kids who run the back alleys of Orlando, Florida are being targeted by a vampire slayer who thinks they are real creatures of the night. Though the kids like to wear fake fangs and don black capes to terrorize the tourists, they are pretty [...]

My first thought upon waking up this morning:

The football-with-a-sword attached is really an inefficient weapon. You have to build the thing, then figure out a way to carry it around without anyone noticing, and then you have to find someone stupid enough to catch it.

I'm not sure what this says about me. Simply that it's time to watch Graduation Day? Or is it a cry for help? Should I dive deeper into the world of horror movies, or get the eff out? Madonna was so right: life really is a mystery!

2007's "Knock Knock" has an admirable setup for a slasher flick. You have a group of spunky young teens who's parents have a history in the town. You have a random someone knocking off kids with no recognizable order. You have a grizzled ex-cop that happens ...

I believe this artsy thriller film is from the late 60's to mid 70's, and the scene that stands out for me is where a young woman goes into a greenhouse

I'm trying to find the title of a late 80's or early 90's movie set at a typical house party where in one scene a girl is laying on a bed upstairs, sick

Back in the early 90's I saw a horror movie about soldiers in a forest that ordered some people to step in a mine field, and there was one shot of a soldier's

We weren’t too pleased when we first heard about the Let the Right One In (review) remake, but we have to say that the trailers we’ve been seeing for the reboot don’t look all bad. The latest is the red band trailer, which you can read and see more of below. While the remake still [...]

I saw this movie when I was very young at my grandmother's house in the late 80's or early 90's where a woman is attacked by a creature covered in red

There's an old black and white zombie movie I once saw the tail end of and loved, but I don't know the name. These people are locked in a building at

What's the movie where the lady thinks her husband is cheating so she tries to set him up by making this young girl hit on him, and they wind up starting

I remember a late 80's or early 90's horror film about about monsters with brains for heads living in an attic in a mansion, but can't remember the title.

If you paid attention to the names of the members of yesterday's Film Club Coolies (or, you know, visited their sites), then surely you spotted Craig Moorhead's Your Guignol is Grand. I always enjoy reading Craig's take on various films or even the genre itself- but he doesn't blog enough for my liking. Maybe if we all band together and visit his site a whole mess, it'll be seen as some sort of call to action and he'll write more. Internet Citizen Power!

1) What's the key moment that led you to click that "Start Your Blog" button?

Pretty much when it became at all conceivable to do so and after a much more talented friend of mine put up his own site. This was waaaaaaay before I had anything to blog about, which is what I like to call being ahead of the curve. (The friend's site no longer exists, else I'd send you there, as it was totally sweet.)

2) Please describe your blog in no more than 3 sentences. You must include the words / phrases "morbid", "aesthetic", and "electromagnetic".

I will describe the blog in just one sentence. It will also rhyme and that is how I will impress everyone. 'Your Guignol is Grand' blogs the morbid aesthetic / with panache and verve that's electromagnetic.

3) Bearing in mind that opinions are subjective (except mine because I'm always right), do you enjoy movies that are generally considered "bad"? Why or why not?

This depends. Are 'Night of the Creeps' and 'Final Destination 3' bad? If so, then yes, I do. And people shouldn't judge horror films so harshly. But if not, then hell no I don't! I only watch the best! Why would I waste my time on such trash?

Why: bad horror movies are less predictable and 100% funnier than good horror movies.

Why not: Good horror movies are scary, and that's what I came for - the scary.

4) Did you know that there exists one variety of carnivorous parrot? It's true. They live in the mountains of New Zealand, and they eat the fat surrounding the kidneys of sheep- WHILE THE SHEEP ARE ALIVE. It's horrible.

I did know that - it is called the Kea and resides in New Zealand. But then my day job is at National Geographic. Advantage - nerd.

5) What's the one- ONE- horror movie you love so much you want to stick it down your pants?

My pants movie is definitely 'Poltergeist'. Saw it in the theater when I was six and I blame it for my life long horror-ahol addiction. If I'm wearing something baggy, I'd get 'The Thing' and 'Halloween' down there, too.

6) Adrienne Barbeau. Discuss.

Adrienne came into my life through 'Creepshow' and she's been here in the living room ever since. Great actress, intense presence, kind of a mooch.

7) Why should people bother to read your blog?

Oh, guys - it's a really good read! And it's not just a bunch of press releases about junk coming out, whether or not it's any good. It's about stuff I'm excited about. And if you want, you can leave comments about what you're excited about and we can talk that way and then I can find new stuff. It's so much fun, you guys! You gotta see!

8) Where does Jigsaw get all the money he needs to build all those traps and buy all that warehouse space? Better yet, does he have some sort of engineering background? He must, right, if he designs all that crap?

It sort of makes sense that he'd be a super-rich geek, doesn't it? There but for the grace of Microsoft goes Bill Gates, ya know?

9) Several theories regarding the reasons why people would subject themselves to watching horror films (when they're so, you know, traumatic) exist. Which is closest in line with your feelings on and reactions to the genre? Feel free to elaborate. Or don't, see if I care.

a) RELIEF THEORY: The unpleasant feelings of distress cause more stimulating feelings of relief when the unpleasantness passes- the stressed arousal caused by fear becomes pleasurable arousal later on.

b) CONTINUOUS REWARD: The excitement felt during the film is the appeal in and of itself.

c) SOCIAL THEORIES:
1) Stereotypical gender roles are reinforced: men act as protectors, women need protection.
2) Violating social norms- watching "deviant" entertainment- is exciting.
3) Experiencing heightened emotions with others makes us feel like we "belong" and we're truly part of a group.

Boy. Jeez. Gosh. Hold up... calculator. Okay. It's not C.1 or C.3, I know that. And it's not really A. I'd say it's primarily B and C.2 I'll show my work below:

I love being scared and always have. This is closely related to loving comedy and laughing. It's all about suspense and surprise. They work exactly the same way, just in different tones. This is why those in the horror world tend to have pretty great senses of humor and why Jerry Lewis once made a movie about a clown that led children to the ovens during the holocaust. Horror and comedy are conjoined twins. So if I'm watching a movie and feeling scared, I am totally being continuously rewarded (B).

If the movie goes after polite society in some way, that's great, too. Especially when it has a specific societal target it is attacking. One fun example is 'The Faculty', which put forth the message 'If you sniff white powder, you are a cool human being. If not, you are an alien from another world.' That kind of thing is great. Torture porn is not included in this category, however. (C.2)

10) Which year produced better horror movies: 1977 or 1981? Why?

'81. '77 has lots of good stuff, but '81 has the best mix of good and bad. It had stuff like American Werewolf in London, The Burning, Friday the 13th and Evil Dead on the good side and Final Exam, Ghost Story, and Heartbeeps on the bad. It was a trippy time for horror movies, fighting against the growing conservative atmosphere of the Reagan administration and stumbling around like a drunk, headless chicken trying to figure out the slasher formula. Hilarious and terrifying. Simply the best.

11) What the eff is up with those French and their crazy horror flicks?

Yeah, I know, right?

12) What's your favorite Animals Run Amok movie?

'Jaws' is pretty much the best made horror movie about an animal goin' nuts on somebody, but that answer feels pedestrian. Let's say 'The Giant Gila Monster' instead, since 'Jaws' doesn't include much hotrod action and 'Gila Monster' - oh my God - really does.

13) If Jason Voorhees is on a train heading east at 80mph and Leatherface is on a train heading west at 65mph…why the hell would anyone ever watch Rob Zombie's Halloween?

To prove to everyone that nothing is sacred.

Then later to prove to yourself that some things are, indeed, sacred.

14) What are your funereal wishes?

I have a deal with the wife - we'll have a family plot, a great big cast iron display of me in a rocking chair (totally encased in cast iron) sitting next to a fire place. Since she'll be cremated, she'll be in the fireplace. Assorted dead pets will be napping nearby.

15) Why do I have such a fondness for Shelley Hack? It's not like she's really done much to deserve it, but there it is.

The Stepfather. Sometimes that's all you need. Bam.

16) You're on a sinking ghost ship that's being piloted by a witch. What are your last words?

"What was it I wrote on that questionnaire that time?"

17) Asking about your funereal wishes and your last words means nothing, I swear.

Wait - "funereal" wishes? Would that be, like, I wish sorrow? Or just a sad wish? Is this a trick of some kind?

18) Do you know where I can get some lye?

I don't, but back to the "funereal" wishes. It obviously means something, else you wouldn't have spelled it like that twice. Goddang it. I'm perplexed.

19) Weren't you glad when THAT JERK in THAT HORROR MOVIE got what was coming to him?

Yes - the baby in 'Dead/Alive'. That's one of the most satisfying monster deaths ever.

Wait, holy shit - I just got that 'lye' comment...

20) Overall, what’s your favorite era of horror films?

It's the 80s, all the way. It was never simultaneously scarier and dorkier than that. The best.

21) Would you rather be:

1) a vampire
2) a witch/warlock
3) a werewolf
4) a Frankenstein (and yes, I know technically it’s “Frankenstein’s monster” but “a Frankenstein” sounds better)
5) a Jaws

I think a warlock. Because he's not as played out as a vampire, but he's still got all his smarts and junk, even when he does monstrous stuff. And he looks like Julian Sands, prolly, which doesn't hurt. So, yeah. Warlock.

22) If you could turn back time- if you could find a way- would you take back those words that hurt me, so I’d stay?

I've seen 'The Time Machine' and 'The Time Travelers Wife' and that one part in 'Superman' and, Stacie, I've seen what happens to time travelers. It is NO JOKE. So - no.

23) What's something you want people to know about you or your blog that I didn't ask?

On Thursdays I blog in my underpants.
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Big thanks to Craig! Stay tuned for another exciting episode of...THE BLOGGENAIRES!

What's the 80's horror movie where a woman opens her refrigerator to find a monster egg and as she inspects it, a hand pops out and the movie ends? Can