Entries from August 2013 ↓

Lord Blood-Rah’s Nerve Wrackin’ Auditorium – The Black Cat

itunes pic
Lord Blood-Rah's Nerve Wrackin' Auditorium ponders the motives of a mad murderer who blames his soul's torture on a poor feline. Based on a classic from the great Edgar Allan Poe, and starring Peter Lorre, comes the "Mystery in the Air!" episode The Black Cat!

The Sun stealers Part1

Allen Worlds-The Sun stealers Part1 4-7-79 oldtimeradiodvd.com

The Sun stealers Part1

Allen Worlds-The Sun stealers Part1 4-7-79 oldtimeradiodvd.com

The Sun stealers Part1

Allen Worlds-The Sun stealers Part1 4-7-79 oldtimeradiodvd.com

The Sun stealers Part1

Allen Worlds-The Sun stealers Part1 4-7-79 oldtimeradiodvd.com

The Sun stealers Part1

Allen Worlds-The Sun stealers Part1 4-7-79 oldtimeradiodvd.com

amazon one-star reviews: THE EXORCIST


Hey everybody, it's William Friedkin's birthday! Why not celebrate with a one-star review of his masterpiece, The Exorcist? I'm sure he'll be thrilled.


I'm not surprised that the film has received its fair share of negative reviews from the masses, particularly those who have recently seen it for the first time. This movie has been hyped beyond measure, consistently cited as one of the greatest horror films in the goddamn universe. If anything, that kind of praise can work against a movie: if "one of the greatest horror films in the goddamn universe" doesn't totally completely 100% rock a new viewer's face off, the film becomes an overrated failure. I'd say that changing audience sensibilities and the decidedly 1970s pacing of The Exorcist share the bulk of the blame for that, but I know hardcore horror fans who don't like this film and don't think it's scary whatsoever (generally because they're atheists and therefore, you know, what's so frightening about Satan and the such?). I think anybody who doesn't like The Exorcist is a crazy person, but hey, everybody has their hang-ups.

But enough about what I think of The Exorcist- what does this Amazon reviewer think about The Exorcist? This one-star critique is a real treat: a critique within a critique! It's like the Russian nesting doll of reviews.
THE EXORCIST, the saddest and most disgustingly bad movie of all time, is the classic story of a young girl, Regan, whom through a Squeegy Board, becomes posessed by Satan. The film is supposedly based on a True Story about a young boy, whom in 1949, became posessed. That is unconfirmed.
MY REVIEW:
"I hate this movie with a passion because it is so evil, and only a devil worshiper would love this movie and want to watch again and again. It is the ultimate evil you can find in this world. The scary thing about it is, is that this movie is based on a true story. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG: This movie is VERY scary, but is just a gross out devil movie. No one in this whole world should see something so terrible. IT IS BAD- plain and simple, and I mean BAD as in it isn't a good movie for anyone to see. So all of you people who say this is a great movie, you just make evil seem so good."
I am glad this review opened my eyes to my own nature. No longer can I deceive myself: I am a devil worshiper. Otherwise, how could I love The Exorcist? Everything I thought about myself has been a lie! I have not been living a Satan-tastic life so far, but that's going to change right now. I'm bustin' out my Squeegy Board and later, after dinner, I'm gonna sacrifice somethin' but good.

amazon one-star reviews: THE EXORCIST


Hey everybody, it's William Friedkin's birthday! Why not celebrate with a one-star review of his masterpiece, The Exorcist? I'm sure he'll be thrilled.


I'm not surprised that the film has received its fair share of negative reviews from the masses, particularly those who have recently seen it for the first time. This movie has been hyped beyond measure, consistently cited as one of the greatest horror films in the goddamn universe. If anything, that kind of praise can work against a movie: if "one of the greatest horror films in the goddamn universe" doesn't totally completely 100% rock a new viewer's face off, the film becomes an overrated failure. I'd say that changing audience sensibilities and the decidedly 1970s pacing of The Exorcist share the bulk of the blame for that, but I know hardcore horror fans who don't like this film and don't think it's scary whatsoever (generally because they're atheists and therefore, you know, what's so frightening about Satan and the such?). I think anybody who doesn't like The Exorcist is a crazy person, but hey, everybody has their hang-ups.

But enough about what I think of The Exorcist- what does this Amazon reviewer think about The Exorcist? This one-star critique is a real treat: a critique within a critique! It's like the Russian nesting doll of reviews.
THE EXORCIST, the saddest and most disgustingly bad movie of all time, is the classic story of a young girl, Regan, whom through a Squeegy Board, becomes posessed by Satan. The film is supposedly based on a True Story about a young boy, whom in 1949, became posessed. That is unconfirmed.
MY REVIEW:
"I hate this movie with a passion because it is so evil, and only a devil worshiper would love this movie and want to watch again and again. It is the ultimate evil you can find in this world. The scary thing about it is, is that this movie is based on a true story. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG: This movie is VERY scary, but is just a gross out devil movie. No one in this whole world should see something so terrible. IT IS BAD- plain and simple, and I mean BAD as in it isn't a good movie for anyone to see. So all of you people who say this is a great movie, you just make evil seem so good."
I am glad this review opened my eyes to my own nature. No longer can I deceive myself: I am a devil worshiper. Otherwise, how could I love The Exorcist? Everything I thought about myself has been a lie! I have not been living a Satan-tastic life so far, but that's going to change right now. I'm bustin' out my Squeegy Board and later, after dinner, I'm gonna sacrifice somethin' but good.

amazon one-star reviews: THE EXORCIST


Hey everybody, it's William Friedkin's birthday! Why not celebrate with a one-star review of his masterpiece, The Exorcist? I'm sure he'll be thrilled.


I'm not surprised that the film has received its fair share of negative reviews from the masses, particularly those who have recently seen it for the first time. This movie has been hyped beyond measure, consistently cited as one of the greatest horror films in the goddamn universe. If anything, that kind of praise can work against a movie: if "one of the greatest horror films in the goddamn universe" doesn't totally completely 100% rock a new viewer's face off, the film becomes an overrated failure. I'd say that changing audience sensibilities and the decidedly 1970s pacing of The Exorcist share the bulk of the blame for that, but I know hardcore horror fans who don't like this film and don't think it's scary whatsoever (generally because they're atheists and therefore, you know, what's so frightening about Satan and the such?). I think anybody who doesn't like The Exorcist is a crazy person, but hey, everybody has their hang-ups.

But enough about what I think of The Exorcist- what does this Amazon reviewer think about The Exorcist? This one-star critique is a real treat: a critique within a critique! It's like the Russian nesting doll of reviews.
THE EXORCIST, the saddest and most disgustingly bad movie of all time, is the classic story of a young girl, Regan, whom through a Squeegy Board, becomes posessed by Satan. The film is supposedly based on a True Story about a young boy, whom in 1949, became posessed. That is unconfirmed.
MY REVIEW:
"I hate this movie with a passion because it is so evil, and only a devil worshiper would love this movie and want to watch again and again. It is the ultimate evil you can find in this world. The scary thing about it is, is that this movie is based on a true story. NOW DON'T GET ME WRONG: This movie is VERY scary, but is just a gross out devil movie. No one in this whole world should see something so terrible. IT IS BAD- plain and simple, and I mean BAD as in it isn't a good movie for anyone to see. So all of you people who say this is a great movie, you just make evil seem so good."
I am glad this review opened my eyes to my own nature. No longer can I deceive myself: I am a devil worshiper. Otherwise, how could I love The Exorcist? Everything I thought about myself has been a lie! I have not been living a Satan-tastic life so far, but that's going to change right now. I'm bustin' out my Squeegy Board and later, after dinner, I'm gonna sacrifice somethin' but good.

Look at me, Film Club! It’s all for you!

If you know the quote I'm aping in the title of this post, then you know what's up: the next Film Club choice is The Omen (1976)!


That's right. Though I love it, I haven't seen this flick in a good long while and so I'm fixin' to remedy that. Perhaps the luster has worn off...? I doubt it- I mean, the film ranked as #45 of your top favorite horror movies, and I know you have totally discerning tastes. So watch it, write something about it (or just cyber-talk about it with someone who has written about it), and let's all get our satanic groove on together.

The haps:

The movie: The Omen (1976)
The due date: Tuesday, September 17
The deal:

1. watch the movie
2. link to Final Girl somewhere in your review
3. email me the link: stacieponder at gmail dot com
4. bask in the warm embrace of your fellow Film Clubbers

That's it! If you wrote a review of The Omen a million years ago and you want to be included, that's fine. Just add the link to Final Girl in there somewhere and send it along.

amazon one-star reviews: THE HILLS RUN RED


Hello, my friends, and welcome to an all-new feature here at the good ol' FG. Because I only have the smartest (and most attractive) readers, you doubtless surmised from the post title that the new feature is called amazon one-star reviews. In this scintillating project, I'll highlight...wait for it...one-star horror movie reviews verbatim from amazon.com- reviews for films considered to be genre classics, pieces of crap, and everything in between. Whatever catches my eye here where I live, which is on the razor's edge of danger, intrigue, and browsing The Internet. Why am I doing this? I don't know. But! we can always debate these 1-star reviews: is the reviewer actually on to something whilst skewering beloved films? Did he or she really watch the same movie the rest of us did? It will sure be fun to find out.

Let's start things off with the 2009 direct-to-DVD slasher flick The Hills Run Red.

 

Fun fact! Prior to the film's release, I was asked by a horror publication to attend a screening and give my opinion of what I saw- not to immediately review it, just to give it a thumbs up or down. Why? Because the director is a "friend" of not only the publication but also the horror community in general, and therefore reviewing his films is, I guess, tricky business.

I reported back that I thought it was terrible and I'd give it a negative review and should I go ahead and start writing? I simply got an "okay, no don't write anything" or something along those lines in response, and that was the last I heard of the matter. Fast forward to the DVD's release and sure enough, there's a review, written by someone else. A positive review- not glowing, mind, but still positive. Pretty gross, right? Right. And that's what can go on behind the scenes of...you know, stuff and things and what the cool kids really get up to sometimes with that stuff and those things. Well, at least you don't have to worry about that here, as none of the cool kids in the horror community give a rat's ass about what I say here and since no one pays me for Final Girl, I can actually give, you know, my honest opinion about movies.

Anyway. Here's today's one-star review!
This movie did not make any since at all, I did not like the movie it was not even scary at all but that's how everybody makes their money some how, I watched the movie 2 times try to make since out of it but it was still the same, so I don't think no one should buy this movie I'm telling the truth it is not any gd at all thanks a lot.
So there you have it. What do you think of The Hills Run Red? Do you think it made any since? Is it any gd? Weigh in!

amazon one-star reviews: THE HILLS RUN RED


Hello, my friends, and welcome to an all-new feature here at the good ol' FG. Because I only have the smartest (and most attractive) readers, you doubtless surmised from the post title that the new feature is called amazon one-star reviews. In this scintillating project, I'll highlight...wait for it...one-star horror movie reviews verbatim from amazon.com- reviews for films considered to be genre classics, pieces of crap, and everything in between. Whatever catches my eye here where I live, which is on the razor's edge of danger, intrigue, and browsing The Internet. Why am I doing this? I don't know. But! we can always debate these 1-star reviews: is the reviewer actually on to something whilst skewering beloved films? Did he or she really watch the same movie the rest of us did? It will sure be fun to find out.

Let's start things off with the 2009 direct-to-DVD slasher flick The Hills Run Red.

 

Fun fact! Prior to the film's release, I was asked by a horror publication to attend a screening and give my opinion of what I saw- not to immediately review it, just to give it a thumbs up or down. Why? Because the director is a "friend" of not only the publication but also the horror community in general, and therefore reviewing his films is, I guess, tricky business.

I reported back that I thought it was terrible and I'd give it a negative review and should I go ahead and start writing? I simply got an "okay, no don't write anything" or something along those lines in response, and that was the last I heard of the matter. Fast forward to the DVD's release and sure enough, there's a review, written by someone else. A positive review- not glowing, mind, but still positive. Pretty gross, right? Right. And that's what can go on behind the scenes of...you know, stuff and things and what the cool kids really get up to sometimes with that stuff and those things. Well, at least you don't have to worry about that here, as none of the cool kids in the horror community give a rat's ass about what I say here and since no one pays me for Final Girl, I can actually give, you know, my honest opinion about movies.

Anyway. Here's today's one-star review!
This movie did not make any since at all, I did not like the movie it was not even scary at all but that's how everybody makes their money some how, I watched the movie 2 times try to make since out of it but it was still the same, so I don't think no one should buy this movie I'm telling the truth it is not any gd at all thanks a lot.
So there you have it. What do you think of The Hills Run Red? Do you think it made any since? Is it any gd? Weigh in!

amazon one-star reviews: The Hills Run Red


Hello, my friends, and welcome to an all-new feature here at the good ol' FG. Because I only have the smartest (and most attractive) readers, you doubtless surmised from the post title that the new feature is called amazon one-star reviews. In this scintillating project, I'll highlight...wait for it...one-star horror movie reviews verbatim from amazon.com- reviews for films considered to be genre classics, pieces of crap, and everything in between. Whatever catches my eye here where I live, which is on the razor's edge of danger, intrigue, and browsing The Internet. Why am I doing this? I don't know. But! we can always debate these 1-star reviews: is the reviewer actually on to something whilst skewering beloved films? Did he or she really watch the same movie the rest of us did? It will sure be fun to find out.

Let's start things off with the 2009 direct-to-DVD slasher flick The Hills Run Red.

 

Fun fact! Prior to the film's release, I was asked by a horror publication to attend a screening and give my opinion of what I saw- not to immediately review it, just to give it a thumbs up or down. Why? Because the director is a "friend" of not only the publication but also the horror community in general, and therefore reviewing his films is, I guess, tricky business.

I reported back that I thought it was terrible and I'd give it a negative review and should I go ahead and start writing? I simply got an "okay, no don't write anything" or something along those lines in response, and that was the last I heard of the matter. Fast forward to the DVD's release and sure enough, there's a review, written by someone else. A positive review- not glowing, mind, but still positive. Pretty gross, right? Right. And that's what can go on behind the scenes of...you know, stuff and things and what the cool kids really get up to sometimes with that stuff and those things. Well, at least you don't have to worry about that here, as none of the cool kids in the horror community give a rat's ass about what I say here and since no one pays me for Final Girl, I can actually give, you know, my honest opinion about movies.

Anyway. Here's today's one-star review!
This movie did not make any since at all, I did not like the movie it was not even scary at all but that's how everybody makes their money some how, I watched the movie 2 times try to make since out of it but it was still the same, so I don't think no one should buy this movie I'm telling the truth it is not any gd at all thanks a lot.
So there you have it. What do you think of The Hills Run Red? Do you think it made any since? Is it any gd? Weigh in!

A Satisfying Quickie [Book Review]

Better To Be Lucky by David Rogers is a great short story that takes place within the setting of Roger’s novel Apocalypse Atlanta. This is just one of many personal tales that take place in or around the Atlanta outbreak, but Better To Be Lucky is told from the POV of some soldiers dealing with infection during their deployment. While […]

Film Club: Bay of Blood


Mario Bava's Bay of Blood (aka Twitch of the Death Nerve, aka A Zillion More Titles No Really Look Them Up, 1971) is widely considered to be the grandpappy of the slasher/body-count genre and it doesn't take a huge leap of logic to figure that hey, as such, the film is gonna have a bunch of gore and a bunch of violence and it's probably going to turn off a lot of people. In this regard, Bay of Blood certainly does not disappoint. And let me tell you, friends, that despite all the sights we've seen in the 40-plus years since this film hit, it's still as much of a shocker as it was then.

Some of this is due to the graphic nature of the kills- impalements, decapitations, face-hackings, throat-cuttings, and more are all on full display and, of course, many of these scenes would be aped later in "dead teenager" offerings such as Friday the 13th and its sequel.



More than the gore, though, it's the lingering shots Bava employs that serve to disturb the viewer as we're forced to watch that ol' death nerve a-twitchin'. All in all, the film is a downright nasty piece of work.



It's tough to put together the pieces of this murder mystery until roughly halfway through its running time. Up until then, you may find your patience wearing thin as you try to suss out who is who and who's killing who and who's zoomin' who as characters enter and exit the show with little explanation as to motivation and/or how they relate to one another. But when it all comes together, it comes together fast and Bay of Blood reveals itself to be not only a nasty piece of work, but also a delightfully gleeful black comedy in which terrible people do terrible things all in the name of greed. The familiar "inheritance plot" spirals out of control as people simply must be killed- you know how these things go- and eventually no one is left unscathed. When her husband questions if all the death is really necessary, cold-hearted snake Renata (Claudine Auger) explains, "Will you stop being such an old maid? You have to rely on instinct in certain situations." In other words, if someone gets between you and the money, it's murderin' time.


Though Bay of Blood may not rank among Bava's best work, it's still far better (and far more stylish) than the majority of the films it would influence later. And if nothing else, it's given me a burning desire to be a wealthy Countess so I, too, can dismiss people by simply saying "I'm late for my nap."


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