Entries Tagged 'do what I tell you to do' ↓

A Call to Arms!

In but a bunch of days, your friendly cantankerous neighborhood Final Girl will be celebrating its blogiversary. Its sweet sixteenth blogiversary, to be exact! Can you believe it? She's old enough to drive (omg look out everyone on the road right ha ha ha lol), to drink (Capri Sun), and to get fucked up (on kitten videos). I can't believe it! My precious little baby is not a Final Girl, not yet a Final Woman. Seems like a thing worth celebrating, maybe, so let's celebrate with an EVENT: an event wherein we all kind of talk about our favorite horror movie moments! But let's not talk all willy-nilly. Like any good event, there must be rules. Rules to which one must strictly adhere, lest...well, I think we all know what will happen if rules are flouted. We've all seen Footloose*.

*I've never seen Footloose

Okay, so rules comma the:
  1. You can submit a list your five favorite horror movie moments. I don't care if they are the moments you find the scariest, the funniest, the grossest, the most profound, the most boner-inducing, whatever. That is your business! This is your list! I don't need explanations, although if you give me a why and/or a whyfor, I will not complain. Unless it's about your boner or even your metaphorical boner, because I am not here for that. (omg not without dinner first right ha ha ha lol) (I'm really not though.)
  2. Keep it simple, smarty-pants! You can get obscure...again, that is your business! But it's helpful if it's just, like, "When Annie sings 'Oh, Paul' in Halloween" or "Leatherface twirling with his chainsaw in TCM" or "The videotape in Ringu" or whatever. After all, there's a chance that your favorite moment is also someone else's favorite moment, so this might help with the listing process if I'm going to make a list. I don't rightly know yet. If there's one thing we should have all realized by now, I've been doing this for 15 years but I still don't know what I'm doing.
  3. Your favorite "moment" doesn't have to be a moment! It can be a performance, a specific shot, a whole sequence, whatever. FOR THE LAST TIME, THAT IS YOUR BUSINESS. Just know that "moment" is pretty broad here.
  4. Definitely include the movie title! Between now and whenever I get your list, I could be in some horrible boating accident and I will hit my head and instead of gaining psychic powers like Cynthia Rothrock did when she hit her head on that tree in Sworn to Justice, I will just get amnesia like someone in that movie I can't remember and I will forget that, like, Michael Myers is in Halloween
  5. If there's a link to one of your moments on YouTube or something, include it! 
  6. Send your list to me at stacieponder at gmail dot com by the end of the day (US PST), Friday June 10. Lists sent after that will be tossed in the trash pile, sorry! Include the subject line HORROR MOVIE MOMENTS so I know what's up.
  7. Every US resident who sends a list is eligible to win a Super Amazing Final Girl Blogiversary Prize Pack the Likes of Which No One Has Ever Seen, so include "US RESIDENT" in your email somewhere if you want a chance to win. I'm sorry, international friends, you are the best but for fuck's sake shipping stuff to you is expensive and I am not some 1% hundredaire.
  8. I think that's it? 
Reader, I don't know why I'm even making this a big deal since every email will consist solely of this moment:


But, I guess it's something to do. Happy Blogiversary to me, thanks always for reading, hooray for everything!


A Call to Arms!

In but a bunch of days, your friendly cantankerous neighborhood Final Girl will be celebrating its blogiversary. Its niftiest fiftiest blogiversary, to be exact! Can you believe it? She's old enough to rediscover herself during a trip to the tropics, to wear caftans as much as she pleases, and to go nuts on the white zinfandel on the weekends. I can't believe it! My precious little baby is not a Final Girl, she is a Final Woman. Seems like a thing worth celebrating, maybe, so let's celebrate with an EVENT: an event wherein we all kind of talk about our favorite horror movie moments! But let's not talk all willy-nilly. Like any good event, there must be rules. Rules to which one must strictly adhere, lest...well, I think we all know what will happen if rules are flouted. We've all seen Footloose*.

*I've never seen Footloose

Okay, so rules comma the:
  1. You can submit a list your five favorite horror movie moments. I don't care if they are the moments you find the scariest, the funniest, the grossest, the most profound, the most boner-inducing, whatever. That is your business! This is your list! I don't need explanations, although if you give me a why and/or a whyfor, I will not complain. Unless it's about your boner or even your metaphorical boner, because I am not here for that. (omg not without dinner first right ha ha ha lol) (I'm really not though.)
  2. Keep it simple, smarty-pants! You can get obscure...again, that is your business! But it's helpful if it's just, like, "When Annie sings 'Oh, Paul' in Halloween" or "Leatherface twirling with his chainsaw in TCM" or "The videotape in Ringu" or whatever. After all, there's a chance that your favorite moment is also someone else's favorite moment, so this might help with the listing process if I'm going to make a list. I don't rightly know yet. If there's one thing we should have all realized by now, I've been doing this for 15 years but I still don't know what I'm doing.
  3. Your favorite "moment" doesn't have to be a moment! It can be a performance, a specific shot, a whole sequence, whatever. FOR THE LAST TIME, THAT IS YOUR BUSINESS. Just know that "moment" is pretty broad here.
  4. Definitely include the movie title! Between now and whenever I get your list, I could be in some horrible boating accident and I will hit my head and instead of gaining psychic powers like Cynthia Rothrock did when she hit her head on that tree in Sworn to Justice, I will just get amnesia like someone in that movie I can't remember and I will forget that, like, Michael Myers is in Halloween
  5. If there's a link to one of your moments on YouTube or something, include it! 
  6. Send your list to me at stacieponder at gmail dot com by the end of the day (US PST), Friday June 10. Lists sent after that will be tossed in the trash pile, sorry! Include the subject line HORROR MOVIE MOMENTS so I know what's up.
  7. Every US resident who sends a list is eligible to win a Super Amazing Final Girl Blogiversary Prize Pack the Likes of Which No One Has Ever Seen, so include "US RESIDENT" in your email somewhere if you want a chance to win. I'm sorry, international friends, you are the best but for fuck's sake shipping stuff to you is expensive and I am not some 1% hundredaire.
  8. I think that's it? 
Reader, I don't know why I'm even making this a big deal since every email will consist solely of this moment:


But, I guess it's something to do. Happy Blogiversary to me, thanks always for reading, hooray for everything!


A Call to Arms!

In but a bunch of days, your friendly cantankerous neighborhood Final Girl will be celebrating its blogiversary. Its niftiest fiftiest blogiversary, to be exact! Can you believe it? She's old enough to rediscover herself during a trip to the tropics, to wear caftans as much as she pleases, and to go nuts on the white zinfandel on the weekends. I can't believe it! My precious little baby is not a Final Girl, she is a Final Woman. Seems like a thing worth celebrating, maybe, so let's celebrate with an EVENT: an event wherein we all kind of talk about our favorite horror movie moments! But let's not talk all willy-nilly. Like any good event, there must be rules. Rules to which one must strictly adhere, lest...well, I think we all know what will happen if rules are flouted. We've all seen Footloose*.

*I've never seen Footloose

Okay, so rules comma the:
  1. You can submit a list your five favorite horror movie moments. I don't care if they are the moments you find the scariest, the funniest, the grossest, the most profound, the most boner-inducing, whatever. That is your business! This is your list! I don't need explanations, although if you give me a why and/or a whyfor, I will not complain. Unless it's about your boner or even your metaphorical boner, because I am not here for that. (omg not without dinner first right ha ha ha lol) (I'm really not though.)
  2. Keep it simple, smarty-pants! You can get obscure...again, that is your business! But it's helpful if it's just, like, "When Annie sings 'Oh, Paul' in Halloween" or "Leatherface twirling with his chainsaw in TCM" or "The videotape in Ringu" or whatever. After all, there's a chance that your favorite moment is also someone else's favorite moment, so this might help with the listing process if I'm going to make a list. I don't rightly know yet. If there's one thing we should have all realized by now, I've been doing this for 15 years but I still don't know what I'm doing.
  3. Your favorite "moment" doesn't have to be a moment! It can be a performance, a specific shot, a whole sequence, whatever. FOR THE LAST TIME, THAT IS YOUR BUSINESS. Just know that "moment" is pretty broad here.
  4. Definitely include the movie title! Between now and whenever I get your list, I could be in some horrible boating accident and I will hit my head and instead of gaining psychic powers like Cynthia Rothrock did when she hit her head on that tree in Sworn to Justice, I will just get amnesia like someone in that movie I can't remember and I will forget that, like, Michael Myers is in Halloween
  5. If there's a link to one of your moments on YouTube or something, include it! 
  6. Send your list to me at stacieponder at gmail dot com by the end of the day (US PST), Friday June 10. Lists sent after that will be tossed in the trash pile, sorry! Include the subject line HORROR MOVIE MOMENTS so I know what's up.
  7. Every US resident who sends a list is eligible to win a Super Amazing Final Girl Blogiversary Prize Pack the Likes of Which No One Has Ever Seen, so include "US RESIDENT" in your email somewhere if you want a chance to win. I'm sorry, international friends, you are the best but for fuck's sake shipping stuff to you is expensive and I am not some 1% hundredaire.
  8. I think that's it? 
Reader, I don't know why I'm even making this a big deal since every email will consist solely of this moment:


But, I guess it's something to do. Happy Blogiversary to me, thanks always for reading, hooray for everything!


A Call to Arms!

In but a bunch of days, your friendly cantankerous neighborhood Final Girl will be celebrating its blogiversary. Its niftiest fiftiest blogiversary, to be exact! Can you believe it? She's old enough to rediscover herself during a trip to the tropics, to wear caftans as much as she pleases, and to go nuts on the white zinfandel on the weekends. I can't believe it! My precious little baby is not a Final Girl, she is a Final Woman. Seems like a thing worth celebrating, maybe, so let's celebrate with an EVENT: an event wherein we all kind of talk about our favorite horror movie moments! But let's not talk all willy-nilly. Like any good event, there must be rules. Rules to which one must strictly adhere, lest...well, I think we all know what will happen if rules are flouted. We've all seen Footloose*.

*I've never seen Footloose

Okay, so rules comma the:
  1. You can submit a list your five favorite horror movie moments. I don't care if they are the moments you find the scariest, the funniest, the grossest, the most profound, the most boner-inducing, whatever. That is your business! This is your list! I don't need explanations, although if you give me a why and/or a whyfor, I will not complain. Unless it's about your boner or even your metaphorical boner, because I am not here for that. (omg not without dinner first right ha ha ha lol) (I'm really not though.)
  2. Keep it simple, smarty-pants! You can get obscure...again, that is your business! But it's helpful if it's just, like, "When Annie sings 'Oh, Paul' in Halloween" or "Leatherface twirling with his chainsaw in TCM" or "The videotape in Ringu" or whatever. After all, there's a chance that your favorite moment is also someone else's favorite moment, so this might help with the listing process if I'm going to make a list. I don't rightly know yet. If there's one thing we should have all realized by now, I've been doing this for 15 years but I still don't know what I'm doing.
  3. Your favorite "moment" doesn't have to be a moment! It can be a performance, a specific shot, a whole sequence, whatever. FOR THE LAST TIME, THAT IS YOUR BUSINESS. Just know that "moment" is pretty broad here.
  4. Definitely include the movie title! Between now and whenever I get your list, I could be in some horrible boating accident and I will hit my head and instead of gaining psychic powers like Cynthia Rothrock did when she hit her head on that tree in Sworn to Justice, I will just get amnesia like someone in that movie I can't remember and I will forget that, like, Michael Myers is in Halloween
  5. If there's a link to one of your moments on YouTube or something, include it! 
  6. Send your list to me at stacieponder at gmail dot com by the end of the day (US PST), Friday June 10. Lists sent after that will be tossed in the trash pile, sorry! Include the subject line HORROR MOVIE MOMENTS so I know what's up.
  7. Every US resident who sends a list is eligible to win a Super Amazing Final Girl Blogiversary Prize Pack the Likes of Which No One Has Ever Seen, so include "US RESIDENT" in your email somewhere if you want a chance to win. I'm sorry, international friends, you are the best but for fuck's sake shipping stuff to you is expensive and I am not some 1% hundredaire.
  8. I think that's it? 
Reader, I don't know why I'm even making this a big deal since every email will consist solely of this moment:


But, I guess it's something to do. Happy Blogiversary to me, thanks always for reading, hooray for everything!


This week on The Scare-ening…

...we've got some amazing guests lined up: Heidi Martinuzzi of Pretty/Scary and Stacie Ponder of Final Girl! They want you (yes, YOU) (but not YOU) to call in and ask them questions and tell them what to talk about. It is destined to be the most glamourous episode of anything in the history of ever, no?

The Scare-ening III: In 3-D will really help you hone your calling in and asking stuff skills in preparation for our guest for The Scare-ening IV, an episode in which you will have a chance to interact with a true horror brainiac, hero, and luminary.

Tune in tomorrow (that's "Wednesday" in weekspeak) at 8pm PST/11pm EST and get yer ask on!

for the THING lover in your life!

Treat him or her to this luscious 20" x 24" acrylic-on-canvas painting by moi!

Put a little MacReady in your home today! Fits with any decor. Don't believe me? Then behold!










Hey horror bloggers!

I have a deal for all my brethren out there who are toiling away in the trenches of horror blogging. Yes, a deal for those noble souls who work tirelessly trying to think up new things for people to read...for those who feel validated by numbers on a stat counter, and even those who are in it because they like horror movies and want to write about them. I present you with the opportunity to...FILL OUT A QUESTIONNAIRE.

I meant to send this around to the owners of blogs that I visit regularly, but I hit some road blocks. One, I don't have everyone's email addresses, and two, I'm lazy. So, HORROR BLOGGERS: send me an email with your name and blog URL, and I will send you the questions. I'm at stacieponder (at) gmail (dot) com. Put "blog questionnaire"...or "bloggenaire" or something like that in the subject line. Oh, and you don't have to be STRICTLY a horror blogger, but you should definitely dedicate most of your real estate to the genre to qualify. Some of my favorite bloggers write about things besides horror and I love them just the same.

Okay, maybe a little less, but don't tell them that.

You can pretend I'm a hard-hitting journalist or something if it makes you feel better. This isn't a contest or anything, and there's no voting for whatever whatever. This is simply about highlighting some other sites, and about giving me the chance to ask cheeky questions. Once the replies start rolling in (or trickling in, or whatevs), I'll begin a running feature here at the Ol' FG. Won't that be exciting? I cannot guarantee that it will be, but life is all about chances.

Edited to add: Kids, I'm getting a great response to this, but to participate, your blog should really be at least 85% about horror in some regards- whether it's movies or what have you. I'd love to feature the blog of everyone in the whole wide world, but I can't. And since Final Girl is a horror blog, I'm going to keep it in that vein. Be honest in assessing your content before you send me an email. Thanks!


Help a brutha out!

Friend o' Final Girl Spazmo left the following inquiry on a post recently:
Ok, the episode (I think it was a horror anthology series, possibly from ten or fifteen years ago) features a woman in a boarding house, her "daughter", and a male tenant. The young girl, whose face is covered by a China doll's porcelain mask, is perhaps a homicidal killer. Or an evil doll.

Anyway, at the end, the man confronts the girl/doll and a crack appears in her mask revealing a section of disgustingly mottled human tissue underneath. The mother saves(?) the man from the thing's murderous wrath and explains that her daughter preferred to be looked upon as a perfect doll, instead of a hideous freak, hence the mask, etc, etc, and then that's the end.

If you've seen this, please let me know what the hell it is and where it's from. Someone once suggested it might be an old Goosebumps episode, but this was creepy as hell and really not kiddie fare. I've wanted to prove this exists outside my imagination so bad for so long; and keyword searching the IMDB has gotten me absolutely nowhere :(
This sounds oh so familiar I'm pretty sure I've seen it, and yet I can't place it. Tales from the Darkside, maybe? Putcher thinking cap on and leave your guesses in the comments! Let's all help put Spazmo's mind at ease, because we all at Final Girl care...and this is the kind of thing that can totally drive a person nutso- trust me. There was one time way back before The Internet when I could not for the life of me remember the name of the sister on Good Times. Why I was trying to remember in the first place, I have no idea; the point is, the question became the bane of my existence. Finally, a couple of days after the subject first came up, I woke up in the middle of the night, going "Thelma! It was Thelma!". My brain could finally rest.

I'd hate to see that kind of torture happen to someone again, wouldn't you?

more me

Hey, did you listen to part one of The Graveyard Show podcast that features moi and Shannon Lark? Well, if you haven't, it's not to late. If you have, you may (or, frankly, you may not) be pleased to know that part two of the show has been posted. If my memory serves me at all, I think we got into a lively discussion about the social responsibilities that actors have (or don't have), and horrordom's favorite vampire movie, Twilight. Give it a listen- all the cool kids are doing it, I swear.

PART ONE - PART TWO

If it helps, you can think of the two parts like this:

I know that doesn't make any sense whatsoever and the whole analogy or metaphor or what have you falls apart as soon as you think about it...but look, I'm desperate for excuses to post pictures of the Sagal twins around here, so I'll take what I can get.

And so will you! And you'll LIKE it!

Big thanks to The Graveyard Show for asking me back, although I find the pressure to not be a boring guest rather stressful. Hooray!

it’s time for…a post!

Look, I realize that I've been asking you to click a lot of links lately so you can read things I've written that have been posted at other sites (like Bitch Slap-a-Mania!) or to listen to my yammering about stuff (like part one my interview with The Graveyard Show!) and I apologize. I know how lazy you are, and how taxing clicking can be. I also know that Final Girl is the only site on The Internet that you visit, so you'd rather read everything right here on this very page. I understand, truly. But sometimes- just sometimes- don't you think a little variety is nice? I mean, I love Dunkin' Donuts coffee, but if I had it every day...wait, scratch that. If I had it every day, I would be a...a...I would be, like, a giant, highly caffeinated metaphorical boner that walks like a woman because I would be so happy. In fact, during this vacation of mine I'm running an experiment in which I see how much Dunkin' Donuts coffee I can drink while still managing to sleep at night. Which brings me to my point (I think): you must do some more clicking today, but it's good for your soul.

Late last year, my cyberpal Heather emailed me and asked me to write a guest post for her horror blog, Mermaid Heather, which turns 5 this month. I was duly honored she asked, because Heather's blog is a favorite of mine. She's low-key about the entire affair, in it simply because she loves horror movies. She chugs along quietly, cranking out honest reviews and tidbits she finds interesting. When life doesn't get in the way of her posting, she's quite a juggernaut.

Anyway, I was tasked with writing about a movie that has some sort of personal significance for me. Because I've already written extensively about House of Ass Volume 9, I was left with really only one choice: a little something called Track of the Moon Beast.

Head on over to Heather's neck of the woods to read my spiel, stay a while, and wish her a happy blogaversarystravaganza!

awesome movie poster friday – the MORE CRAP I BOUGHT ON VHS edition!

Man, I tells ya. My friend Eric runs Spudic's Movie Empire and it's a VHS lovers paradise! I can't resist his $1 sales- I walk out with a boxful everytime. If you live in the Los Angeles area and you love BROWSING- and let's face it, only jerks don't love browsing- you owe yourself a trip. He does mail order too, so you have no excuses. NONE I SAY.

AnyIhavetoomanymovies, you can see that on my last trip I got a fucking great haul. Monsters ahoy! My favorite poster is the first one, the Deep Rising poster that calls the special effects team the "Special Effects Team". Why the quotes? Does that mean the FX were done by, like, the director's mom and her quilting club? 'Cause if that's the case, now I wanna see it even more!

Related reviews: He Knows You're Alone, Dead & Buried





























one thousand

Dear y'all,

So this is it, my big 1000th post. Though I really have nothing profound to say (shock), I couldn't let the moment pass by without acknowledging it somehow. I marked the occasion of my 500th post with a rather lengthy entry describing Final Girl's humble roots and highlighting a few of my favorite posts. Wow, I just noticed that my 500th hit on November 20, 2007- almost two years ago to the day. That's surely significant of something...? Probably not. Anyway, what's happened in the two years since my last major milestone?

Since post #500...

...I think we can all agree that one of the best things that's happened around here has been the introduction of Briefcase Woman, who came along one fine day in May, 2008 to demonstrate the joys that can be had when one votes. Since then, she's spread her enthusiasm all over this blog like...like...well, let's honor her origins and vote for an apt simile, shall we?



Hooray!

...the Final Girl Film Club keeps chugging along, powered by the awesomeness of The Internet. We've covered a whopping 18 films since post 500, and there's no sign of stopping yet. Next up: The Wicker Man on December 14. What movies would you like to nominate for FGFC coverage? Before you answer, take a quick peek at my reviews archive to make sure I haven't already reviewed it.

...I made a movie- a few, really. Ludlow will be ready for mass consumption soon, a thought that's as terrifying as it is metaphorical boner-inducing.

...I've written 85 columns for AMC (holy crapping crap) and I've started contributing to Rue Morgue magazine. Both make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

...this little site just keeps on keepin' on, mostly business as usual. Reviews, stupid pictures, blah blah blah. As you know, I love Final Girl more than Donkey Kong loves throwing barrels at plumbers. While I could write exclusively for myself and be somewhat satisfied (being an only child grants me a +15 to both mana regeneration and my ability to entertain myself) (sorry, I've been playing Dragon Age: Origins) (it's so fucking awesome)...well, it wouldn't be the same without you guys reading it. Again, I say hooray!

Okay, now tell me what's been your favorite post or feature or whatevs here on Final Girl so I feel pretty.

What? I'm allowed to fish for ego-stroking compliments every 500 posts, that's the rule I made up.

Here's to 10,000 more posts! HUZZAH!

Hooray!

Hooray for yet ANOTHER reminder to put in your 15 clicks! Please consider voting for They Won't Stay Fed! by clicking the big purple button here, or voting in the widget below. Tell your friends! Tell your family! Tell yourself to vote everyday! If you won't do it for me, then do it for the cute. You don't want to disappoint the kitten, do you? Of course not.



WATCH and VOTE!

So, I made a goofy little zombie movie and entered a contest. I NEED YOUR VOTES, especially since I'm running about 2 weeks behind in the process...but I have faith! YES WE CAN! Or something.



Folks need to create an account to vote, which is a pain, I know. BUT! You can vote 15 TIMES IN A ROW EVERY DAY. I'm going to harass anyone and everyone I know to vote as often as possible, so expect me to post about this A LOT. It's for a good cause, after all: winning. If I win, the prize money will be used to make another feature, so really, it's a gift that keeps on giving!

Spread the word and VOTE VOTE VOTE! Thank you, and good day.

*edited to add* Apparently if you're on Facebook, you can login with your Facebook info so you don't have to create an account. Hooray!

can you say holy crap??

Hey, remember a few weeks ago when I was all, "Yeah, so I'm inking this comic book and the penciler is this guy named Brent Schoonover and he's really a terrific artist!"? And remember how we all drooled over his Creature from the Black Lagoon illustration?


Yeah, well...feast your peepers on what arrived in my mailbox today.

Click! Make big! I'm still pinching myself over the gross beauty of this 11" x 14" inch amazingness. Go to his website, get some Brent art, and let's all pinch ourselves together! HOLY CRAP!