Entries Tagged 'do what I tell you to do' ↓

Treat him or her to this luscious 20" x 24" acrylic-on-canvas painting by moi!

Put a little MacReady in your home today! Fits with any decor. Don't believe me? Then behold!

I have a deal for all my brethren out there who are toiling away in the trenches of horror blogging. Yes, a deal for those noble souls who work tirelessly trying to think up new things for people to read...for those who feel validated by numbers on a stat counter, and even those who are in it because they like horror movies and want to write about them. I present you with the opportunity to...FILL OUT A QUESTIONNAIRE.

I meant to send this around to the owners of blogs that I visit regularly, but I hit some road blocks. One, I don't have everyone's email addresses, and two, I'm lazy. So, HORROR BLOGGERS: send me an email with your name and blog URL, and I will send you the questions. I'm at stacieponder (at) gmail (dot) com. Put "blog questionnaire"...or "bloggenaire" or something like that in the subject line. Oh, and you don't have to be STRICTLY a horror blogger, but you should definitely dedicate most of your real estate to the genre to qualify. Some of my favorite bloggers write about things besides horror and I love them just the same.

Okay, maybe a little less, but don't tell them that.

You can pretend I'm a hard-hitting journalist or something if it makes you feel better. This isn't a contest or anything, and there's no voting for whatever whatever. This is simply about highlighting some other sites, and about giving me the chance to ask cheeky questions. Once the replies start rolling in (or trickling in, or whatevs), I'll begin a running feature here at the Ol' FG. Won't that be exciting? I cannot guarantee that it will be, but life is all about chances.

Edited to add: Kids, I'm getting a great response to this, but to participate, your blog should really be at least 85% about horror in some regards- whether it's movies or what have you. I'd love to feature the blog of everyone in the whole wide world, but I can't. And since Final Girl is a horror blog, I'm going to keep it in that vein. Be honest in assessing your content before you send me an email. Thanks!

Friend o' Final Girl Spazmo left the following inquiry on a post recently:

Ok, the episode (I think it was a horror anthology series, possibly from ten or fifteen years ago) features a woman in a boarding house, her "daughter", and a male tenant. The young girl, whose face is covered by a China doll's porcelain mask, is perhaps a homicidal killer. Or an evil doll.

Anyway, at the end, the man confronts the girl/doll and a crack appears in her mask revealing a section of disgustingly mottled human tissue underneath. The mother saves(?) the man from the thing's murderous wrath and explains that her daughter preferred to be looked upon as a perfect doll, instead of a hideous freak, hence the mask, etc, etc, and then that's the end.

If you've seen this, please let me know what the hell it is and where it's from. Someone once suggested it might be an old Goosebumps episode, but this was creepy as hell and really not kiddie fare. I've wanted to prove this exists outside my imagination so bad for so long; and keyword searching the IMDB has gotten me absolutely nowhere :(

This sounds oh so familiar I'm pretty sure I've seen it, and yet I can't place it. Tales from the Darkside, maybe? Putcher thinking cap on and leave your guesses in the comments! Let's all help put Spazmo's mind at ease, because we all at Final Girl care...and this is the kind of thing that can totally drive a person nutso- trust me. There was one time way back before The Internet when I could not for the life of me remember the name of the sister on Good Times. Why I was trying to remember in the first place, I have no idea; the point is, the question became the bane of my existence. Finally, a couple of days after the subject first came up, I woke up in the middle of the night, going "Thelma! It was Thelma!". My brain could finally rest.

I'd hate to see that kind of torture happen to someone again, wouldn't you?

Hey, did you listen to part one of The Graveyard Show podcast that features moi and Shannon Lark? Well, if you haven't, it's not to late. If you have, you may (or, frankly, you may not) be pleased to know that part two of the show has been posted. If my memory serves me at all, I think we got into a lively discussion about the social responsibilities that actors have (or don't have), and horrordom's favorite vampire movie, Twilight. Give it a listen- all the cool kids are doing it, I swear.

PART ONE - PART TWO

If it helps, you can think of the two parts like this:

I know that doesn't make any sense whatsoever and the whole analogy or metaphor or what have you falls apart as soon as you think about it...but look, I'm desperate for excuses to post pictures of the Sagal twins around here, so I'll take what I can get.

And so will you! And you'll LIKE it!

Big thanks to The Graveyard Show for asking me back, although I find the pressure to not be a boring guest rather stressful. Hooray!

Look, I realize that I've been asking you to click a lot of links lately so you can read things I've written that have been posted at other sites (like Bitch Slap-a-Mania!) or to listen to my yammering about stuff (like part one my interview with The Graveyard Show!) and I apologize. I know how lazy you are, and how taxing clicking can be. I also know that Final Girl is the only site on The Internet that you visit, so you'd rather read everything right here on this very page. I understand, truly. But sometimes- just sometimes- don't you think a little variety is nice? I mean, I love Dunkin' Donuts coffee, but if I had it every day...wait, scratch that. If I had it every day, I would be a...a...I would be, like, a giant, highly caffeinated metaphorical boner that walks like a woman because I would be so happy. In fact, during this vacation of mine I'm running an experiment in which I see how much Dunkin' Donuts coffee I can drink while still managing to sleep at night. Which brings me to my point (I think): you must do some more clicking today, but it's good for your soul.

Late last year, my cyberpal Heather emailed me and asked me to write a guest post for her horror blog, Mermaid Heather, which turns 5 this month. I was duly honored she asked, because Heather's blog is a favorite of mine. She's low-key about the entire affair, in it simply because she loves horror movies. She chugs along quietly, cranking out honest reviews and tidbits she finds interesting. When life doesn't get in the way of her posting, she's quite a juggernaut.

Anyway, I was tasked with writing about a movie that has some sort of personal significance for me. Because I've already written extensively about House of Ass Volume 9, I was left with really only one choice: a little something called Track of the Moon Beast.

Head on over to Heather's neck of the woods to read my spiel, stay a while, and wish her a happy blogaversarystravaganza!

Man, I tells ya. My friend Eric runs Spudic's Movie Empire and it's a VHS lovers paradise! I can't resist his $1 sales- I walk out with a boxful everytime. If you live in the Los Angeles area and you love BROWSING- and let's face it, only jerks don't love browsing- you owe yourself a trip. He does mail order too, so you have no excuses. NONE I SAY.

AnyIhavetoomanymovies, you can see that on my last trip I got a fucking great haul. Monsters ahoy! My favorite poster is the first one, the Deep Rising poster that calls the special effects team the "Special Effects Team". Why the quotes? Does that mean the FX were done by, like, the director's mom and her quilting club? 'Cause if that's the case, now I wanna see it even more!

Related reviews: He Knows You're Alone, Dead & Buried

Dear y'all,

So this is it, my big 1000th post. Though I really have nothing profound to say (shock), I couldn't let the moment pass by without acknowledging it somehow. I marked the occasion of my 500th post with a rather lengthy entry describing Final Girl's humble roots and highlighting a few of my favorite posts. Wow, I just noticed that my 500th hit on November 20, 2007- almost two years ago to the day. That's surely significant of something...? Probably not. Anyway, what's happened in the two years since my last major milestone?


...I think we can all agree that one of the best things that's happened around here has been the introduction of Briefcase Woman, who came along one fine day in May, 2008 to demonstrate the joys that can be had when one votes. Since then, she's spread her enthusiasm all over this blog like...like...well, let's honor her origins and vote for an apt simile, shall we?



Hooray!

...the Final Girl Film Club keeps chugging along, powered by the awesomeness of The Internet. We've covered a whopping 18 films since post 500, and there's no sign of stopping yet. Next up: The Wicker Man on December 14. What movies would you like to nominate for FGFC coverage? Before you answer, take a quick peek at my reviews archive to make sure I haven't already reviewed it.

...I made a movie- a few, really. Ludlow will be ready for mass consumption soon, a thought that's as terrifying as it is metaphorical boner-inducing.

...I've written 85 columns for AMC (holy crapping crap) and I've started contributing to Rue Morgue magazine. Both make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

...this little site just keeps on keepin' on, mostly business as usual. Reviews, stupid pictures, blah blah blah. As you know, I love Final Girl more than Donkey Kong loves throwing barrels at plumbers. While I could write exclusively for myself and be somewhat satisfied (being an only child grants me a +15 to both mana regeneration and my ability to entertain myself) (sorry, I've been playing Dragon Age: Origins) (it's so fucking awesome)...well, it wouldn't be the same without you guys reading it. Again, I say hooray!

Okay, now tell me what's been your favorite post or feature or whatevs here on Final Girl so I feel pretty.

What? I'm allowed to fish for ego-stroking compliments every 500 posts, that's the rule I made up.

Here's to 10,000 more posts! HUZZAH!

Hooray for yet ANOTHER reminder to put in your 15 clicks! Please consider voting for They Won't Stay Fed! by clicking the big purple button here, or voting in the widget below. Tell your friends! Tell your family! Tell yourself to vote everyday! If you won't do it for me, then do it for the cute. You don't want to disappoint the kitten, do you? Of course not.

So, I made a goofy little zombie movie and entered a contest. I NEED YOUR VOTES, especially since I'm running about 2 weeks behind in the process...but I have faith! YES WE CAN! Or something.



Folks need to create an account to vote, which is a pain, I know. BUT! You can vote 15 TIMES IN A ROW EVERY DAY. I'm going to harass anyone and everyone I know to vote as often as possible, so expect me to post about this A LOT. It's for a good cause, after all: winning. If I win, the prize money will be used to make another feature, so really, it's a gift that keeps on giving!

Spread the word and VOTE VOTE VOTE! Thank you, and good day.

*edited to add* Apparently if you're on Facebook, you can login with your Facebook info so you don't have to create an account. Hooray!

Hey, remember a few weeks ago when I was all, "Yeah, so I'm inking this comic book and the penciler is this guy named Brent Schoonover and he's really a terrific artist!"? And remember how we all drooled over his Creature from the Black Lagoon illustration?


Yeah, well...feast your peepers on what arrived in my mailbox today.

Click! Make big! I'm still pinching myself over the gross beauty of this 11" x 14" inch amazingness. Go to his website, get some Brent art, and let's all pinch ourselves together! HOLY CRAP!

Hey Wisconsinites, I'm talking to YOU! On Sunday, October 4th you should stop cramming cheese in your face long enough to totally head to the Madison Horror Film Festival where they're screening my short film Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear! It's true.

I'm unable to make it to the festival myself, but I'm so excited about the notion of my movie playing on a big screen that I could just pee. I do so wonder how audiences will react to my magnum Barbie lesbian vampire opus- filmed in fabulous VHS VISION!

Anyway, yeah, you should go. You may also want to go to the festival on Saturday, when they're screening a movie called Re-Animator and conducting a Q & A with some dude named Stuart Gordon. The schedule and deets are here.

Mind you, I would not be in the Madison Horror Festival if I weren't a part of the Viscera Project...so...I don't know. I'm sure there's some sort of lesson in there somewhere. While I try to figure out exactly what that is, you can go listen to The Unrated Hour's recent interview with Viscera/Chainsaw Mafia honcho Shannon Lark. The show starts out with a bunch of weird wrestling-related stuff, so you may feel you're not in the right place, but you are. Eventually they talk to Shannon and more importantly, eventually they talk about me. ME ME ME.

They did not talk about how my kindergarten portrait came to be hanging on the wall of the eerie castle owned the eeeevil vampiress Lady Mortidella, but I suppose there's always next time.

...when the paramilitary commando dudes were going after the Red Queen when they accidentally tripped her defense system and suddenly the hallway they were all standing in had these deadly deadly lasers scooting down it, slicing up everything in their path? And then that one paramilitary commando dude was all ready to face the final laser, like, to jump over that shit or squeeze under it or something, and he was all, "Up YOURS, laser!" but then that eeeeevil, wily laser was all, "Pfft- up YOURS, paramilitary commando dude!" and it turned into a grid and diced him up real good? Yeah, that was cool.




And remember how the same sort of thing had been done a few years earlier in Cube? But when Resident Evil came around, the idea still was a bit novel...but now horror movie schmoes getting silently sliced and then slowly collapsing into a pile of grue-n-chunks is practically de rigueur? Yeah.

Anyway, my buddy JA of My New Plaid Pants has, of course, examined the sequences in Resident Evil and Cube before as part of his most excellent Thursday's Ways Not to Die series. You should check it out, if you know what's good for you!

Speaking of things to check out and knowing what's good for you, here's something else: Scott Weinberg, old friend of both Final Girl and darkness, has bravely gone and posted two massive lists: his top 100 horror and top 100 sci fi films. Mayhaps I'll do a big ol' horror list like that someday so people can get all riled up and call me a jerk for not including House of 1000 Corpses or whatevs. Oh, lists...why can't The Internet quit you?

Another thing to check out, etc etc: tonight- yes, TONIGHT- I- yes, I- will be- yes, BE- (okay that's enough, do-over)...tonight, I wll be a guest on The Graveyard Show podcast! It is something to which you can listen! It will be posted tonight: midnight, EST/9pm PST. I don't remember what I blathered on about, but I do remember that I had a wonderful time talking with The Caretaker. Perhaps this means you will enjoy listening...or not. I can no longer predict your reactions things- in fact, I feel like I don't know you at all anymore. But still, listen listen listen!!

One last thing: as you may have figured out by now, I am a huge fan of all things Resident Evil (although I wouldn't watch the second film again with ten-foot eyes) (whatever that means). It's no surprise, then, that when I saw a television spot for Avon's newest magical age-defying de-wrinkling serum or whatever the fuck it is, I immediately thought Umbrella Corporation. After searching for a picture of said serum online, I quickly discovered that I am not the only massive RE nerd in the galaxy. Behold, the truth behind Avon's serum! It's clearly a bioweapon.

I should warn my mom and gramma about this, lest they procure some and later transform into crimes against nature...although...hmm...that might liven up family functions a bit. Oh, what a dilemma I face!

You will?! Oh, fabulous. It's so easy! All you have to do is:

1. Head over to AMC and read my latest, all about stuff you should...you know, watch. If you left a comment over there, or clicked "recommend", that would make my editor happy. Trust me, it's horrible when she's NOT happy. I'm not going to say she hits me, but she totally does.
2. Wish a happy birthday to Chainsaw Mafia honcho (honchette?), Fangoria Spooksmodel, Ludlow staaaah, and all around super lady Shannon Lark.

What oh what will you get in return, besides that thrilling feeling one only gets when doing a good cyber-deed? Here's what you'll get: a whopping almost ten minutes of awesomely horrible horribly awesome horriblawesomeness from that craptacular flick I recently reviewed, Don't Go in the Woods...Alone! Finally, after all these few days, you can witness for yourself some of the worst acting in the history of ever- and all for just a few clicks. Hooray for everything!

As I'm sure you're well aware, I cheat on you all the time. Why you continue to put up with it, I have no idea. Is your self-esteem really so low? Have I convinced you- and I hope I have- that no other blog will ever want you? And that it's your fault that I have to go and write for other places because all you do is nag and besides, you look like you've gained a little weight?

Well, guess what, suckers- I'm flaunting my dalliances yet again! Wednesdays are AMC days and over the past few weeks I've written about:

• awesome drive-in double features
• terrible tag lines
• B-monster field guide redux

Yes, I'm aware that today is Thursday, not Wednesday, but the best thing about The Internet (besides this) is the fact that you can use it to travel into the past, even if you're only wearing your underwear. Mind you, I would never do that because it's perverted.

I'll also have a movie review in the forthcoming Rue Morgue #91. Reading Rue Morgue is also something you can do whilst clad in naught but your undies. But again, that's perver-- no, actually it's quite fun.


And with that, I bid you good day. GOOD DAY.

No, wait! Start your movie mogul career by donating to the Ludlow fund. To those of you who already have, you're such superstars and THANK YOU. If I ever saw you on the street, I would hi-five you so hard my hand would fly off. Perhaps it would comically land in the soup of someone dining at an outdoor cafe and oh, how we would laugh!

And so are the days of our lives.

I just realized I have two pictures of Macdonald Carey on my harddrive. I'm not quite sure what this says about me, but let's just assume that it's something cool.

Alright, people, this is it. As you may well be aware because I won't shut up about it, Ludlow is finished. It's been slapped on a DVD and screened for some friends. In fact, I thought I'd reached a time when it would no longer rule my days and haunt my nights...and I'm sure you all thought you could just watch the fucking thing and be done with it, right? That's nice, in theory, but...



See, the final cut of the film turned out to be a whopping 63 minutes. 63 MINUTES, a result that was rather unexpected, to say the least. After all, the script was only 20 pages.

Now, as you may notice, 63 minutes is quite close to the running time of a feature film, yes? And a wee too long a run time for a comfortable short, yes? Yes. Obviously, this only means one thing: I need to write some more, shoot some more, and make Ludlow longer. I need to expand the elastic waistband on the comfortable short(s) and make this into a feature, which will be easier to get into the grubby mitts of audiences. Stronger, faster, better!

Shannon Lark (ze star) will be back here in Los Angeles in early August. Once more, we're going to truck out into the Mojave Desert and, barring any typical Ludlow-related shananigans, we're gonna finish this puppy.


Here's where you come in, o dear reader. We need to raise funds to complete our arduous task. Travel, lodging, FX, these all need to be covered, so we're asking for donations.

Donate $10 and your name gets in the credits of the film. The person who donates the most by Friday, August 7th will also receive a 16" x 20" painting by me, subject matter of the donor's choosing.

Yes, I feel a bit presumptuous offering up a painting by me as a "prize", but I have no idea what else to offer. Check out my work here to see if that's something you'd be into.

We don't need much money, but we do need some. All proceeds will go towards the making of Ludlow- however, should we receive money over the amount we need to finish the film, it'll go towards whatever's next on our slate- and Shannon and I have a good four projects lined up to make together.

Any amount will help. Alright, frankly a penny won't help that much, but I'll still take it and give you my eternal gratitude in return.

Now, if you're saying "That's all fine and good, but you haven't shown us crap beyond that teaser trailer. What am I getting myself into? I don't even know what this movie is about!" Well, here's what the skinny be, as best as I can tell ya...or Heidi at Pretty/Scary can tell ya, 'cause she told it just right:

Shot in the California desert in just a few days under grueling circumstances, Ludlow's plot involves a woman (Shannon Lark) stalked by her abusive ex boyfriend and aided by a well-meaning sister (Elissa Dowling) which quickly turns deadly.

There you go. And here's a little clip. Oh, this shit is NSFW, but then so is Final Girl, so...



So. Give if you can, or if you want to, even if it's only well-wishes. Repost this or link to it on your own website and spread the indie horror love. The movie-making flame BURNS!