Entries Tagged 'do what I tell you to do' ↓
May 4th, 2010 — briefcase woman, buy my crap, do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds, lesbian vampires, me me me, Space Girls
...full of happiness. Not like stupid ol' yesterday with its
swear word this and its
this sucks that. No, my friends, today is about things that are both fresh and exciting- you know, like that Kool & the Gang song "Joanna".
Did you know that Kool & the Gang formed up in 1964? That's so much earlier than I thought. I think their first hit was "Jungle Boogie", which came along in the early 70s...but their REAL mainstream success happened in the 80s, about 20 years after they started. Let Kool & the Gang guide you! Don't give up on your dreams! Show, as they did, what people who like to make up words might call "stick-toit-iveness".
Wow, that last paragraph was very
American Psycho of me.
Anyway. Some things!
Thing the first: Because I really don't have enough going on every day, I just
relaunched Toosday Toons over yonder at AfterEllen.com. For those of you who have known me for years, I think this marks Toosday Toons v4.0. Every time I think I'm out, et cetera et cetera something something obligatory
Godfather III joke. As the title may imply, new strips will appear at AfterEllen on
Tuesdays.
Thing the second: Mr. Eric Spudic of
Spudic's Movie Empire has initiated a fundraising campaign to pay for radio advertising.
Check it out! Or if you're in the Los Angeles area, stop by his store. Or if you're not in the Los Angeles area, check out his site and special order some goodies. It's a good old-fashioned movie store made for browsing and lovers of trash like myself. A gold mine, I tells ya!
Thing the third: The Viscera 2008-2009 DVD is finally on sale! Head over to
The Chainsaw Mafia and nab yerself a copy. It's got my short film
Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear on it, as well as
Lip Stick, one of the films Shannon Lark and I made together. There's also a bunch of other shorts made by a bunch other awesome women. Blam!
Thing the fourth: Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear is now available for pre-order! Yes, you can get a copy of my lesbian vampire fashion doll "epic" to clutch to your very own bosoms. Thanks to the magic of my pal Andrew of
Gonzoriffic, the DVD features both the film
and a director's commentary track. Since I am the director, it would be safe to assume that the commentary track features me. It's only $5 plus shipping! It's a DVD-R, but it's got a fancy cover and a standard DVD case, totally safe for bosom-clutching. I'm going to try to put up a Paypal button now that will allow you to order directly. Let's see how this goes...I hope this button is gentle. It's my first time!
Thing the fifth: Thanks to everyone who watched the first episode of my new web show
Space Girls. I'm hard at work on the second episode, and I promise some very cool guest stars are coming in future installments!
Thing the sixth: The Scare-ening is on tomorror night at 8pm PST. Tune in and listen! Or don't.
Thing the seventh: I swear I'm going to have a review up here tomorrow, even if it's the last thing I ever do. I hope it's not the last thing I ever do, but if it is, remember: YOU are my favorite reader!
March 29th, 2010 — do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds, lesbian vampires, me me me
Check it: comedian, recurring guest on
Ghostella's Haunted Tomb, and friend of the ol' FG Bridget McManus has a new show premiering on
LOGO TV in about 13 hours (that's 4am PST, kids, the best time slot in the history of ever)! It's called
Bridget McManus Presents: That Time of the Month and it's going to have a bunch of...stuff...on it. You can watch
a teaser intro here, but it won't tell you anything about anything. I don't know anything about anything, but I do know this: the premiere episode will feature my short film
Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear. KA-BOOM!
Set your TIVOs, or stay up. Or catch it in reruns. Or catch it
with Rerun if you have the ability to communicate with the dead. The point is, catch it and getcher lesbian vampire on!
I would also like to mention that next month's episode of
That Time of the Month will mark the beginning of an
all-new series from yours truly. I'll tell you all about it when That Time draws closer...mua ha ha indeed!
March 23rd, 2010 — do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds, the history of ever, The Scare-ening
...we've got some amazing guests lined up: Heidi Martinuzzi of
Pretty/Scary and Stacie Ponder of
Final Girl! They want you (yes, YOU) (but not YOU) to call in and ask them questions and tell them what to talk about. It is destined to be the most glamourous episode of anything in the history of ever, no?
The Scare-ening III: In 3-D will really help you hone your calling in and asking stuff skills in preparation for our guest for
The Scare-ening IV, an episode in which you will have a chance to interact with a true horror brainiac, hero, and luminary.
Tune in tomorrow (that's "Wednesday" in weekspeak) at 8pm PST/11pm EST and get yer ask on!
February 23rd, 2010 — do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds, paintings
February 9th, 2010 — do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds
I have a deal for all my brethren out there who are toiling away in the trenches of horror blogging. Yes, a deal for those noble souls who work tirelessly trying to think up new things for people to read...for those who feel validated by numbers on a stat counter, and even those who are in it because they like horror movies and want to write about them. I present you with the opportunity to...FILL OUT A QUESTIONNAIRE.
I meant to send this around to the owners of blogs that I visit regularly, but I hit some road blocks. One, I don't have everyone's email addresses, and two, I'm lazy. So, HORROR BLOGGERS: send me an email with your name and blog URL, and I will send you the questions. I'm at stacieponder (at) gmail (dot) com. Put "blog questionnaire"...or "bloggenaire" or something like that in the subject line. Oh, and you don't have to be STRICTLY a horror blogger, but you should definitely dedicate most of your real estate to the genre to qualify. Some of my
favorite bloggers write about things besides horror and I love them just the same.
Okay, maybe a little less, but don't tell them that.
You can pretend I'm a hard-hitting journalist or something if it makes you feel better. This isn't a contest or anything, and there's no voting for whatever whatever. This is simply about highlighting some other sites, and about giving me the chance to ask cheeky questions. Once the replies start rolling in (or trickling in, or whatevs), I'll begin a running feature here at the Ol' FG. Won't that be exciting? I cannot guarantee that it will be, but life is all about chances.
Edited to add: Kids, I'm getting a great response to this, but to participate, your blog should really be at least 85% about horror in some regards- whether it's movies or what have you. I'd love to feature the blog of everyone in the whole wide world, but I can't. And since Final Girl is a horror blog, I'm going to keep it in that vein. Be honest in assessing your content before you send me an email. Thanks!
January 30th, 2010 — do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds
Friend o' Final Girl Spazmo left the following inquiry on a post recently:
Ok, the episode (I think it was a horror anthology series, possibly from ten or fifteen years ago) features a woman in a boarding house, her "daughter", and a male tenant. The young girl, whose face is covered by a China doll's porcelain mask, is perhaps a homicidal killer. Or an evil doll.
Anyway, at the end, the man confronts the girl/doll and a crack appears in her mask revealing a section of disgustingly mottled human tissue underneath. The mother saves(?) the man from the thing's murderous wrath and explains that her daughter preferred to be looked upon as a perfect doll, instead of a hideous freak, hence the mask, etc, etc, and then that's the end.
If you've seen this, please let me know what the hell it is and where it's from. Someone once suggested it might be an old Goosebumps episode, but this was creepy as hell and really not kiddie fare. I've wanted to prove this exists outside my imagination so bad for so long; and keyword searching the IMDB has gotten me absolutely nowhere :(
This sounds oh so familiar I'm pretty sure I've seen it, and yet I can't place it. Tales from the Darkside, maybe? Putcher thinking cap on and leave your guesses in the comments! Let's all help put Spazmo's mind at ease, because we all at Final Girl care...and this is the kind of thing that can totally drive a person nutso- trust me. There was one time way back before The Internet when I could not for the life of me remember the name of the sister on Good Times. Why I was trying to remember in the first place, I have no idea; the point is, the question became the bane of my existence. Finally, a couple of days after the subject first came up, I woke up in the middle of the night, going "Thelma! It was Thelma!". My brain could finally rest.
I'd hate to see that kind of torture happen to someone again, wouldn't you?
January 15th, 2010 — do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds, Interviews, me me me
Hey, did you listen to
part one of The Graveyard Show podcast that features moi and
Shannon Lark? Well, if you haven't, it's not to late. If you have, you may (or, frankly, you may not) be pleased to know that
part two of the show has been posted. If my memory serves me at all, I think we got into a lively discussion about the social responsibilities that actors have (or don't have), and horrordom's favorite vampire movie, Twilight. Give it a listen- all the cool kids are doing it, I swear.
PART ONE -
PART TWOIf it helps, you can think of the two parts like this:
I know that doesn't make any sense whatsoever and the whole analogy or metaphor or what have you falls apart as soon as you think about it...but look, I'm desperate for excuses to post pictures of the Sagal twins around here, so I'll take what I can get.
And so will you! And you'll LIKE it!
Big thanks to The Graveyard Show for asking me back, although I find the pressure to not be a boring guest rather stressful. Hooray!
January 14th, 2010 — do what I tell you to do, dunkin' donuts, From The Feeds, metaphorical boners, Reviews
Look, I realize that I've been asking you to click a lot of links lately so you can read things I've written that have been posted at other sites (like
Bitch Slap-a-
Mania!) or to listen to my yammering about stuff (like part one my interview with
The Graveyard Show!) and I apologize. I know how lazy you are, and how taxing clicking can be. I also know that Final Girl is the only site on The Internet that you visit, so you'd rather read everything right here on this very page. I understand, truly. But sometimes- just sometimes- don't you think a little variety is nice? I mean, I love Dunkin' Donuts coffee, but if I had it every day...wait, scratch that. If I had it every day, I would be a...a...I would be, like, a giant, highly caffeinated metaphorical boner that walks like a woman because I would be so happy. In fact, during this vacation of mine I'm running an experiment in which I see how much Dunkin' Donuts coffee I can drink while still managing to sleep at night. Which brings me to my point (I think): you must do some more clicking today, but it's good for your soul.
Late last year, my cyberpal Heather emailed me and asked me to write a guest post for her horror blog,
Mermaid Heather, which turns 5 this month. I was duly honored she asked, because Heather's blog is a favorite of mine. She's low-key about the entire affair, in it simply because she loves horror movies. She chugs along quietly, cranking out honest reviews and tidbits she finds interesting. When life doesn't get in the way of her posting, she's quite a juggernaut.
Anyway, I was tasked with writing about a movie that has some sort of personal significance for me. Because I've already written extensively about House of Ass Volume 9, I was left with really only one choice: a little something called Track of the Moon Beast.
Head on over to Heather's neck of the woods
to read my spiel, stay a while, and wish her a happy blogaversarystravaganza!
December 4th, 2009 — awesome movie poster friday, do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds, jerks, VHS rules
November 19th, 2009 — awesomeness, briefcase woman, do what I tell you to do, Final Girl FIlm Club, From The Feeds, i'm a nerd, ludlow, me me me, metaphorical boners, you guys rule
Dear y'all,
So this is it, my big 1000th post. Though I really have nothing profound to say (shock), I couldn't let the moment pass by without acknowledging it somehow. I marked the occasion of my 500th post with
a rather lengthy entry describing Final Girl's humble roots and highlighting a few of my favorite posts. Wow, I just noticed that my 500th hit on November 20, 2007- almost two years ago to the day. That's surely significant of something...? Probably not. Anyway, what's happened in the two years since my last major milestone?
Since post #500...
...I think we can all agree that one of the best things that's happened around here has been the introduction of Briefcase Woman, who came along one fine day in May, 2008 to demonstrate
the joys that can be had when one votes. Since then, she's spread her enthusiasm all over this blog like...like...well, let's honor her origins and vote for an apt simile, shall we?
Hooray!
...the
Final Girl Film Club keeps chugging along, powered by the awesomeness of The Internet. We've covered a whopping 18 films since post 500, and there's no sign of stopping yet. Next up:
The Wicker Man on December 14. What movies would you like to nominate for FGFC coverage? Before you answer, take a quick peek at my
reviews archive to make sure I haven't already reviewed it.
...I made a movie-
a few, really. Ludlow will be ready for mass consumption soon, a thought that's as terrifying as it is metaphorical boner-inducing.
...I've written
85 columns for AMC (holy crapping crap) and I've started contributing to
Rue Morgue magazine. Both make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
...this little site just keeps on keepin' on, mostly business as usual. Reviews, stupid pictures, blah blah blah. As you know, I love Final Girl more than Donkey Kong loves throwing barrels at plumbers. While I could write exclusively for myself and be somewhat satisfied (being an only child grants me a +15 to both mana regeneration and my ability to entertain myself) (sorry, I've been playing
Dragon Age: Origins) (it's so fucking awesome)...well, it wouldn't be the same without you guys reading it. Again, I say hooray!
Okay, now tell me what's been your favorite post or feature or whatevs here on Final Girl so I feel pretty.
What? I'm allowed to fish for ego-stroking compliments every 500 posts, that's the rule I made up.
Here's to 10,000 more posts! HUZZAH!
October 12th, 2009 — do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds, voting is the best
Hooray for yet ANOTHER reminder to put in your 15 clicks! Please consider voting for They Won't Stay Fed! by clicking
the big purple button here, or voting in the widget below. Tell your friends! Tell your family! Tell yourself to vote everyday! If you won't do it for me, then do it for the cute. You don't want to disappoint the kitten, do you? Of course not.
October 7th, 2009 — do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds, me me me, voting is the best, Zombies
So, I made a goofy little zombie movie and entered a contest. I NEED YOUR VOTES, especially since I'm running about 2 weeks behind in the process...but I have faith! YES WE CAN! Or something.
Folks need to create an account to vote, which is a pain, I know. BUT!
You can vote 15 TIMES IN A ROW EVERY DAY. I'm going to harass anyone and everyone I know to vote as often as possible, so expect me to post about this A LOT. It's for a good cause, after all: winning. If I win, the prize money will be used to make another feature, so really, it's a gift that keeps on giving!
Spread the word and VOTE VOTE VOTE! Thank you, and good day.
*edited to add* Apparently if you're on Facebook, you can login with your Facebook info so you don't have to create an account. Hooray!
September 28th, 2009 — awesomeness, do what I tell you to do, From The Feeds
Hey, remember a few weeks ago when
I was all, "Yeah, so I'm inking this comic book and the penciler is this guy named Brent Schoonover and he's really a terrific artist!"? And remember how we all drooled over his Creature from the Black Lagoon illustration?
Yeah, well...feast your peepers on what arrived in my mailbox today.
Click! Make big! I'm still pinching myself over the gross beauty of this 11" x 14" inch amazingness. Go to
his website, get some Brent art, and let's all pinch ourselves together! HOLY CRAP!
September 13th, 2009 — do what I tell you to do, eeeevil, From The Feeds, lesbian vampires, me me me, VHS rules, why don't i just make a Shannon Lark tag already
Hey Wisconsinites, I'm talking to YOU! On Sunday, October 4th you should stop cramming cheese in your face long enough to totally head to the
Madison Horror Film Festival where they're screening my short film Taste of Flesh, Taste of Fear! It's true.
I'm unable to make it to the festival myself, but I'm so excited about the notion of my movie playing on a big screen that I could just pee. I do so wonder how audiences will react to my magnum Barbie lesbian vampire opus- filmed in fabulous VHS VISION!
Anyway, yeah, you should go. You may also want to go to the festival on Saturday, when they're screening a movie called Re-Animator and conducting a Q & A with some dude named Stuart Gordon. The schedule and deets are
here.
Mind you, I would not be in the Madison Horror Festival if I weren't a part of the
Viscera Project...so...I don't know. I'm sure there's some sort of lesson in there somewhere. While I try to figure out exactly what that is, you can go listen to
The Unrated Hour's recent interview with Viscera/
Chainsaw Mafia honcho Shannon Lark. The show starts out with a bunch of weird wrestling-related stuff, so you may feel you're not in the right place, but you are. Eventually they talk to Shannon and more importantly, eventually they talk about me. ME ME ME.
They did not talk about how my kindergarten portrait came to be hanging on the wall of the eerie castle owned the eeeevil vampiress Lady Mortidella, but I suppose there's always next time.
August 27th, 2009 — do what I tell you to do, eeeevil, From The Feeds, i'm a nerd, Interviews, me me me, Resident Evil
...when the paramilitary commando dudes were going after the Red Queen when they accidentally tripped her defense system and suddenly the hallway they were all standing in had these deadly deadly lasers scooting down it, slicing up everything in their path? And then that one paramilitary commando dude was all ready to face the final laser, like, to jump over that shit or squeeze under it or something, and he was all, "Up YOURS, laser!" but then that eeeeevil, wily laser was all, "Pfft- up YOURS, paramilitary commando dude!" and it turned into a grid and diced him up real good? Yeah, that was cool.
And remember how the same sort of thing had been done a few years earlier in Cube? But when Resident Evil came around, the idea still was a bit novel...but now horror movie schmoes getting silently sliced and then slowly collapsing into a pile of grue-n-chunks is practically de rigueur? Yeah.
Anyway, my buddy JA of My New Plaid Pants has, of course,
examined the sequences in Resident Evil and Cube before as part of his most excellent
Thursday's Ways Not to Die series. You should check it out, if you know what's good for you!
Speaking of things to check out and knowing what's good for you, here's something else: Scott Weinberg, old friend of both Final Girl and darkness, has bravely gone and posted two massive lists:
his top 100 horror and top 100 sci fi films. Mayhaps I'll do a big ol' horror list like that someday so people can get all riled up and call me a jerk for not including House of 1000 Corpses or whatevs. Oh, lists...why can't The Internet quit you?
Another thing to check out, etc etc: tonight- yes, TONIGHT- I- yes, I- will be- yes, BE- (okay that's enough, do-over)...tonight, I wll be a guest on
The Graveyard Show podcast! It is something to which you can listen! It will be posted tonight: midnight, EST/9pm PST. I don't remember what I blathered on about, but I do remember that I had a wonderful time talking with The Caretaker. Perhaps this means you will enjoy listening...or not. I can no longer predict your reactions things- in fact, I feel like I don't know you at all anymore. But still, listen listen listen!!
One last thing: as you may have figured out by now, I am a huge fan of
all things Resident Evil (although I wouldn't watch the second film again with ten-foot eyes) (whatever that means). It's no surprise, then, that when I saw a television spot for Avon's newest magical age-defying de-wrinkling serum or whatever the fuck it is, I immediately thought Umbrella Corporation. After searching for a picture of said serum online, I quickly discovered that I am not the only massive RE nerd in the galaxy. Behold, the truth behind Avon's serum! It's clearly a bioweapon.
I should warn my mom and gramma about this, lest they procure some and later transform into crimes against nature...although...hmm...that might liven up family functions a bit. Oh, what a dilemma I face!
Wow, that last paragraph was very American Psycho of me.
