Entries Tagged 'me me me' ↓

No, Shannon Lark and I aren't done making stuff yet. Yes, I'm still working on Ludlow. Being a one-woman band can be taxing, but it's neat to wear cymbals between one's knees.

Sorry, I need more coffee.
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SHANNON LARK: With all the ballyhoo over Ludlow, Voyeur, and the 100 million other things that Stacie Ponder and I collectively have going on (ahh, the life of an artist), I suddenly realized while eating chocolate chip ice cream last night that we haven't even begun the wonderful journey of reporting on our first co-directorial feat: Lip Stick....

This wonderful little film came about when Stacie was developing the script for Ludlow. Never having worked together before, we felt (at least I did) that throwing out ideas into the open will help the creative errr...juices get flowing.

STACIE PONDER: That's right- that's how SHE felt. Here she was, this girl I barely knew- some actor for crying out loud- flapping her gums and throwing around all these "ideas".

Okay, fine...so I invited her ideas and I threw mine her way before I'd written anything. It was a strange way for me to put together a script, this "collaboration", but I loved having someone to really bounce ideas off of, even if mine often made no sense. And look! We got a whole 'nother script out of it.

SHANNON LARK: I had this idea that maybe the main character should be a chronic masturbator. I emailed Stacie in a flurry, all flushed in the face with excitement. From there I launched into an entire story about a woman who can't stop masturbating, with a serious case of vagina dentata on the brain.

I know, I know. This sounds like a porn. Actually, it sounds like a great porn, but the script actually is really, really fucked up- ie: my kinda horror movie.

Stacie humored me for a while, but I soon realized that this is a story I should take and run with, and might not be suitable for Ludlow.

STACIE PONDER: I am not one to question the whimsies of Shannon Lark (if chronic masturbation can truly be called a "whimsy")- it just...yeah, it wasn't the right...err, track to explore with the way Ludlow was coming together. If your main character is a CHRONIC masturbator, then that really needs to be addressed in the script, in my opinion. It's not quite like making your character chew gum all the time, which may only prompt a "Oh, I guess she really enjoys gum!" from the audience; if the lead is masturbating almost all the time, you should probably mention why she's constantly gettin' her diddle on,you know?

That said, I could see that Shannon was enthusiastic about this character tic, so I suggested she take it and run with it (boy, did she)...but that if she really wanted her character to masturbate in Ludlow, I'd work it in somehow.

Yes, this is the way we operate.

SHANNON LARK: So I wrote it up as a script, investigating how the story of vagina dentata is just about as old as jesus. It's been told throughout every culture, in some form or another, to keep boys away from strange women who might trap them with their feminine devices. It's classic. It's timeless. It's VAGINA DENTATA!!

STACIE PONDER: It's fun for the whole family!

Sorry, that's...really wrong.

SHANNON LARK: After a failed shoot in Oklahoma City due to finances, in early July I still had no idea how the hell I was going to get this film shot. I considered using the film crew around where I live, but then I realized how much masturbating I was going to be doing, and I decided against it. The neighborhood kid down the street doesn't need to be on a set like that, you know?

STACIE PONDER: Or does he?

SHANNON LARK: Ludlow came and went, and Stacie and I were forever changed and bound in sinners blood (and tuna juice).

STACIE PONDER: Okay, stop. Just to clear the air, she really means tuna juice. Like, juice from a tuna. A tuna fish. Juice. She spilled tuna juice all over one of the beds in our little room at the Ludlow Motel, and it stank up the place. Then later I spilled peperoncini juice all over the crotch of my pants, and that stank up the place even more. Sometimes having a cast of, at most, three and a crew of one is a good thing.

SHANNON LARK: We shot Voyeur in San Francisco, and throughout all the ridiculous amount of technical difficulties and rampantly loose car brakes, we came out OKAY. It dawned on me right before I went on a trip to LA that Stacie and I could do this movie together. We practically made a feature in 2 days, so what could possibly stop us from making Lip Stick with absolutely no money? I milled it over with Stacie and we agreed to co-direct the film.

STACIE PONDER: It's never stopped me before, that's for sure. I've never had a budget over a whopping low-4 figures, and before Ludlow, I kept things within the $50 range. SHOCKING, I know.

I've never "co-directed" anything before, but Shannon and I had already established a very collaborative working style, so I figured it would be more of the same- I'd just end up with a fancy credit. But of course I was flattered she wanted to make this movie with me, so I was all, "Yes, please."

SHANNON LARK: Then I did an interview with the Last Blog on the Left, where I acted like a complete nutcase. I was so excited that I was shaking and sweating by the end of the interview. I reached for more coffee and hauled ass on getting the props together. I wanted to bring as much as I could to the table.

After being on the road for about 3 weeks I flew to Burbank and Stacie picked me up at the airport. We were so excited for what was in store: shooting the remainder of Ludlow, Lip Stick, and then off to Death Valley to roast our hair off. I won't go into detail about Ludlow, or Death Valley, because I'm sure we will cover in that in the "So I Made a Movie: Ludlow" series, but know this: IT WAS AWESOME.

STACIE PONDER: Yeah, hmm. I should update people on the happenings Ludlow at some point, I suppose. Until then, yes, I wholeheartedly agree: we ended up having an incredible week of making movies and roasting in the sun and freezing under the moon. I LOVE DEATH VALLEY.

SHANNON LARK: Stacie had recommended we shoot at the Amargosa Opera House, which has a motel connected to it, right outside of Death Valley. Marta Becket owns the Opera House and paints all over the walls: the headboards, bathrooms, ceiling borders, everything! I researched the website and decided on the perfect room. When we arrived to the motel it was f-ing hot, but nothing like what we were going to experience in Death Valley. Stacie had mentioned it was out in the middle of nowhere, but I didn't think there would actually be NOTHING out there. Luckily, the motel had a restaurant attached with a really, really nice waitress who gave us grapes they grew out there. How the hell they were able to grow grapes out there is beyond me. It must have been in a special greenhouse...or something.

STACIE PONDER: Some time ago a friend tipped me off about the Amargosa, how it was this amazing, kind of magical place out by Death Valley, and I'd originally intended to go there to shoot Ludlow. Once that script was finished, though, it was patently obvious that it wouldn't suit my needs- it's a weird place, but not creepy enough...certainly not fleabag-y enough. Though it's in the middle of nowhere (like Shannon said, there's NOTHING around), the building itself doesn't feel isolated, if that makes sense. On top of all that, it's a good 4+ hours away from Los Angeles, and I certainly couldn't ask the other actors to drive out there to shoot for a couple of hours. The Amargosa never left my mind, though, so when Shannon and I started talking about Lip Stick, I threw it out there. I'm just glad she found it as intriguing as I did.

SHANNON LARK: After eating and unpacking the car into the incredibly small room we were shooting in, we immediately set up and got down to business. Our neighbors were definitely in for a treat.:)

Feel like makin' lists for READERS!

(You're supposed to say that to the tune of that Bad Company song, but it probably didn't translate well. Eh. Whose fault is that?)

Anydingle, Real Simple Magazine wanted me to recommend 10 Halloween movies for their online readership. Now, there are some catches. First, without just listing ALL of the Halloween sequels, coming up with 10 movies based around the holiday is a wee difficult. Second, Real Simple's readership is not...Rue Morgue's readership, dig? I couldn't select anything gory- sorry, Night of the Demons, though Halloween movie you may be, the lipstick stunt would cause the ladies to blanch and take to their fainting couches. Soooo, I made it a list of good horror movies to watch on the 'ween for people who don't normally watch that sort of thing. It was a fun challenge and I was psyched they asked me.

Read it here, and mouth off about what YOU would have put on the list.

...perhaps you would fancy reading a rather lengthy interview with moi over at ye olde Chainsaw Mafia. Or perhaps you would not. Generic businessdouches, however, clearly think it's the greatest thing ever. Who are you- nay, who are any of us- to disagree?

Hey! Did you know that AMC is a channel on the tee vee?? It is!


Shocking, but true- it's more than just a place where I post a weekly column. Now, they haven't let me take over the programming for their annual FEARFEST (yet! mua ha ha...eh, who am I kidding?), but that doesn't mean there's not some great stuff coming up to watch. Here's some of the lo-down on what you can expect this month (I LOVE OCTOBER!!!):


This month, AMC presents AMC FEARFEST, the most highly anticipated horror movie marathon of the Halloween season. A celebration of the best in contemporary and classic horror films, AMC FEARFEST features over 50 horror titles, three AMC CELEBRATES events, and interviews with some of Hollywood’s most renowned horror filmmakers. The eight-day marathon airs from October 23 until Halloween Day, October 31 from 7:30am-midnight.

Headlining AMC FEARFEST is a star-studded lineup of acclaimed filmmakers, who will host and introduce the presented films and offer insight on what creates a great horror flick. Among the AMC FEARFEST hosts are on-screen legend Cloris Leachman (Young Frankenstein), actress Margot Kidder (Amityville Horror), award-winning writer/director, George Romero (Night of the Living Dead), actor Lance Henriksen (Aliens and Aliens 3) and special effects producer, Shane Mahan (SFX Creature Effects Aliens).

AMC FEARFEST will also feature three AMC CELEBRATES events, honoring the milestone anniversaries of some of horror’s greatest movies :

· AMC Celebrates Alien 30^th Anniversary – Airing Friday, October 23 at 8pm ET.

· AMC Celebrates Young Frankenstein 35^th Anniversary – Airing Friday, October 30 at 8pm ET.

· AMC Celebrates The Amityville Horror 30^th Anniversary – Airing Friday, October 30 at 10 :30pm ET.

In addition, AMC FEARFEST will include film classics by directors such as Stanley Kubrick, Ridley Scott, Stephen King, James Cameron, John Carpenter, Joss Whedon, Peter Jackson and Brian De Palma, as well as a special Halloween Day Marathon featuring the world premiere of the digitally restored and re-mastered Night of the Living Dead, airing at 6pm ET.

As part of the network’s online promotions of AMC FEARFEST, amctv.com will feature extended video interviews with Romero, Mahan and Henriksen. Also, available will be countless horror-focused trivia quizzes about such classic movie franchises as Alien, Dracula, The Exorcist, Ghostbusters, and Halloween. In addition, online will feature horror-related tournaments, including battles between the ‘Brides of Horror,’ ‘Evil Children,’ ‘Sinister Satans,’ and much more. Finally, the website will also be adding two new fright flicks to its ever-growing online B-Movie catalogue: Werewolves on Wheels and Fiend without a Face.

Neat, huh? I'm psyched to see Margot Kidder getting some love, although all of those "30th Anniversaries" are making me feel wicked wicked OLD.

Here's another startling news fact for you: women make horror movies! Yes, they do! You can catch two of them this weekend at the LA Femme Film Festival:

• The Commune, written and directed by Elisabeth Fies, is showing Saturday, 10/17 at 4pm
• The Intervention, co-written and directed by Shannon Hile, is showing Friday, 10/16 at 4pm. It's also playing at Fangoria's Trinity of Terror in Las Vegas over Halloween weekend.

And you can take a peek at Haunting Kira, the forthcoming directorial debut from FX mistress Teresa Fahs, by checking out the teaser trailer.

Speaking of women who make horror movies, yes...I'm still plugging away at Ludlow, tweaking it here and there and getting feedback from respected sources. It's amazing- sometimes shaving off only a few seconds in a shot can make a huge difference in the big picture. I'm also cobbling together some behind the scenes goodies...and when it's all complete, I need to figure out what I'm gonna do with the damn thing. I'll be sure to let you know, as I know you've been wringing your hands in anticipation for what seems like forever! To help tide you over, I quickly threw together a wee poster- that's a still from the movie, y'all!


Speaking of me and the things I've directed...did you vote for They Won't Stay Fed! 15 times today? Thanks-a-plenty.



I HATE VOTING-BASED CONTESTS! There, I said it.

Tease: I've also got another mock trailer in the works, which I'm hoping to post up by Halloween...and that's all I'm gonna say about that. Wait, no it's not: for once, I may actually use it as the basis for a feature film. Gasp, shock, awe, etc. etc.

Crazy Eights, one of the films in After Dark's second Horrorfest lineup, is one of those films that, when it's over, you sort of shrug and say, "Umm...yup. Okay, so I just watched that." See, Crazy Eights is firmly planted in horror movie purgatory: neither good nor particularly terrible, it's just sort of there. It inspires no emotions in the viewer of any kind, and at the end of the 90 minutes you spend with it, you promptly forget about it and go about tending to your Olivia Newton-John scrapbook.

I'm not necessarily saying that I have an Olivia Newton-John scrapbook, mind you, but I almost did. When I was a wee one in that heady year known as "1980"- yeah, when Xanadu hit, ON-J fever was at its height (for me), and the world couldn't get enough of her musical collaborations with E.L.O. (at least, I couldn't), I somehow got it in my head that making an Olivia Newton-John scrapbook and selling it would be the greatest moneymaking scheme in the history of ever. I have no idea who I thought would buy it, or why I thought someone would actually pay big money for an Olivia Newton-John scrapbook, but I promptly set about cutting out every magazine article I could find about her and scotch taping them inside a notebook. Perhaps I sensed that I was on a fool's errand, or perhaps my love for Xanadu waned too quickly- whatever the reason, I dropped the project in but a few days. Had I kept at it, I wonder how much it would have brought at, say, Sotheby's (surely they would have auctioned it off for me); would I be a millionairess right now, wearing a monocle and acting indignant when some rube has the nerve to call Polaner All Fruit "jelly"? That seems likely.

I don't know why I'm thinking about all this...wait, yes I do! It's because there's not much to think about in Crazy Eights. However, this blog is called Final Girl, not Let Me Bore You With Stupid Pointless Stories From My Youth (though that's catchy), so I need to get to the horror.

After 20 years apart, a group of friends reunites when one of their mutual childhood buddies passes away. In his will, he requests that the group dig up a time capsule they buried together and...I don't know, spend some quality time together or something.

They find the trunk, and beneath the slingshots and other things left behind they find the skeletal remains of a young girl. Oops! Forgot about her!

Through a series of plot contrivances, they end trapped in an abandoned secret hospital, where they're stalked by the ghost of the dead girl as they try to piece together their shared history. When they were children, they were subjected to a series of behavioral studies that left them all plagued with nightmares and at differing levels of functionality as adults.

It's an interesting- if familiar- set up, and the cast assembled here is fairly impressive, including Frank Whaley, Gabrielle Anwar, Dina Meyer, and Traci fucking Lords. Unfortunately, they're squandered, hampered by a weak script that doesn't flesh out any personalities or histories. In the end, we don't care whether any of them live or die because we don't know any of them. This should have been horror touched with a tinge of tragedy, but there's none of either. Still, there's always something great about seeing Traci Lords in mainstream movies, so watching her get chased by a vengeful ghost is nothing short of awesome, even though it kinda sucks.

There are some huge issues with the plot- the characters make enormous leaps of logic as they figure out how to get out of their dilemma, while the audience is left shaking their heads. The events of the film happen rather quickly, but very little of the time is spent with the characters trying to physically find a way out of the hospital. All in all, it's a head-scratcher.

Most bizarre, though, is that director James Jones doesn't seem to know how to handle horror action. Thing happen and characters die, but we're always cutting away just before the violence begins and coming back a moment after it's over. I'd blame the lack of FX on budget constraints, maybe, but Crazy Eights must have cost a few pennies- although maybe it was all spent on the cast? Eh, who knows. The point is, we're never shown much of anything- to the point where scenes frequently feel disjointed.

As I said, it wasn't terrible, but it also wasn't very good...and it's a shame to see the likable cast all but wasted. I mean, Traci Lords, man!

To be honest, the highlight of this movie was the bonus featurette that compiles the webisodes from the Miss Horrorfest 2007 competition. Like some reality show set in Hot Topic, the Top 10 finalists were gathered together to compete for the dubious honor of winning the crown. The best part of the whole affair was watching Shannon Lark try to maintain interest while she was clearly appalled to find herself stuck in the middle of some goth-flavored hooker convention. She's awesome!

...when the world must come together as one and CLICK THE BIG PURPLE BUTTON MULTIPLE TIMES to vote for my zombie/pizza mashup movie, They Won't Stay Fed!.

Thanks for the response so far...we're really gaining ground! Just think, someday this will all be over and you won't have to toil away like some sort of cyber Sisyphus, and I won't have to come up with a new and exciting way to ask for your votes every day. Won't that be awesome? In the meantime, please consider getting your 15 daily clicks on!

So, I made a goofy little zombie movie and entered a contest. I NEED YOUR VOTES, especially since I'm running about 2 weeks behind in the process...but I have faith! YES WE CAN! Or something.



Folks need to create an account to vote, which is a pain, I know. BUT! You can vote 15 TIMES IN A ROW EVERY DAY. I'm going to harass anyone and everyone I know to vote as often as possible, so expect me to post about this A LOT. It's for a good cause, after all: winning. If I win, the prize money will be used to make another feature, so really, it's a gift that keeps on giving!

Spread the word and VOTE VOTE VOTE! Thank you, and good day.

*edited to add* Apparently if you're on Facebook, you can login with your Facebook info so you don't have to create an account. Hooray!

Part two of my interview on The Last Podcast is UP UP UP. So LISTEN LISTEN LISTEN if you WANT WA--ehhh...

Hooray!

It's true, I do...and this interview I did with The Last Podcast proves it! It's rather cracked out, but it's fun...or at least, that's how I remember it. That's how I remember most things, though. Give it a listen! Part two will come along soon enough, so don't worry.

In other me news, I have an opinion! One of my most favoritest comic book artists, Becky Cloonan, posted this picture of Dracula's Bloofer Lady on her blog and lo, I say...it's wicked way beyond bitchin'.

While I know you're a drooling fanboy/fangirl/fanthing for the So I Made A Movie series, it may not satisfy your itchy tasty cravings for some more practical low-to-no budget horror filmmaking. So...I Made A Column! At AMC! And it features Five Wee Rules for Making Your Own Backyard Horror Movie- sort of my mini version of Zen and the Art of DIY Horror, or some such. I'm not claiming to be an expert on anything, or even the person who bags the expert's groceries...but in the last year I've picked up the camera and pointed it at stuff many times, so I've learned a few things. Go and read it! Repost it! Then my editors at AMC will be all "Wow, Stacie, you're right- people are interested in this sort of column!" and I can write another one that contains more nuts and bolts advice, like how to make fake blood and stuff like that instead of counting down my top 5 favorite movies that feature people without hair or whatever. Do it for me! Better yet...do it for Briefcase Woman!

If you are a millionaire, take note: a limited number of tickets to the Reaper Awards are available to lucky fans for a mere $150 a pop! That doesn't get you into the cocktail party, but you get to watch the ceremony, which...is all about horror on DVD. Some online and print genre journalists came up with a list of nominees, and now you can go vote to determine, say, the best Blu-Ray horror release.

In other awards ceremony news, I present to you the five nominees in the category Things I Would Get With $150 Instead:

• 18 copies of Shark Attack 3: Megalodon to pass out on street corners
• 340 postage stamps to use on 340 letters to Lifetime Movie Network, thus beginning my grassroots campaign advocating Final Girl as Lifetime Movie Network Programmer for a Day
• 26 gallons of Raspberry Ice Crystal Light ('cause I believe in me!)
• I could make a few short films for $150, no probs
• PIZZA

And the winner is...I'll let you know as soon as I have $150 lying around!

Boy oh boy, true believers, there's a lot of good horror stuff comin' down the pike. I say we all link pinks and spend the next couple of months gettin' our gorge on! Shocktober is so close I can smell it.

Wait, sorry...I think that's actually Wind Song by Prince Matchabelli.

Anyhoo, check out what's coming soon to a DVD near you! October 13th is gonna be a bank buster of a day.



This 1990 sci fi/horror cult classic (killer droid...'nuff said) is finally getting released in an unrated cut. Notice how every caca horror movie is "unrated" when the DVD hits, and it usually doesn't mean squat? Well, that's not the case with Hardware; those pesky Miramax folk chopped an X-rated flick up, but now it's restored to director Richard Stanley's totally cyber vision. Watch a preview right here.


Long out of print and hard to find...but no more! The Tall Man returns, wielding deadly flying silver balls in his quest to build a dwarf army that will do his bidding in a red-hued negative zone.

Wow, it sounds really dumb when I say it like that. We all know, however, that Phantasm rules! I've never seen this follow-up (or any of the sequels, for that matter). I'm psyched.


Ah, a decent edition of this decent 1981 slasher flick...most importantly, the original score has been restored- as has the cover art. Thanks, Anchor Bay! This one's worth a re-visit, I think.


Thanks to the TV show Lost, people everywhere are going all goo goo over Terry O'Quinn- we horror fans, however, say "Pfft!" to that. We knew he was awesome all the way back in 1987, when he got his psycho on in The Stepfather. Now that the film is finally going to be available on DVD, we can all feel even more superior when people are like, "Wow, have you seen The Stepfather? That dude from Lost is in it and he was acting all kill-y and ca-razy!", and we can be all, "Duh, old news. Now let's talk abut Jill Schoelen!"


Yup, I just talked about the shitty cover art on the DVD and Blu-Ray editions of this cult classic, but really, they're beside the point. The point is, Night of the Creeps is finally going to be out there! FINALLY! Tom Atkins! Yearrrrgh!


Another one I've talked about recently, but it's worth noting again. I haven't watched this one since I reviewed it...lawd lawd, it's been years now! I can't wait to dig in. I know there are plenty of folks whose fancies aren't quite tickled by The House on Sorority Row, but I think it's a little gem. So there.

Look for reviews of these films- the one's I've yet to review here, anyway- in the coming weeks. It's a good time to be a horror fan!

Hey, remember that time I put my hat out for donations so I could complete filming Ludlow? Well, if you donated as a means to starting your career as a movie mogul (in addition to helping me out, of course), then I've got good news for you! Charred Oak Films is looking for backers for their comedy-horror short Always A Bridesmaid, and you- yes, you- can be a backer. Head over HERE to watch their pitch and learn how you can help make dreams become a reality.

And no, it has nothing to do with my trailer/short/whatever Deadly Dress 4: Never A Bride- I know you were dying to ask! me me me I'm sure their effort will be at least 66% less...well, less retarded.

First of all, don't forget: Monday is Film Club Day! It's been a long time a-comin', I know. Are you psyched for...The Devil's Rain? I am. Watch it, write it up, send a link to me at stacieponder at gmail dot com and join the gang!

Hey, remember that time when I had a TOTALLY INSANE FIRE SALE on my stick figure art? Huh, do ya? No? Oh. Hmm. I was under the impression that you were hanging on my every word, but I guess I was wrong. Oh well. Click here to travel back into the past and learn all about it! Then come back here to the present.

Back? Good. Now then, the point of this is, I'm having another sale. 3 cards for $30! Hooray! Check out my gallery full of samples to see what's in store for ya...though the subject matter of your cards is (doy doy) up to you.


I'm also open for painting commissions- you can check out my gallery here. Email me to talk price, as size obviously varies.


You're probably not wondering why I'm having a Sale of Madness, but I'll tell you anyway. This morning I woke up to a dead computer monitor. No power, no nothin'. I kind of need one to use my desktop computer, which has...well, my whole GD life on it! All the programs I use for movie editing, scanning...really, everything, is on my desktop. Right now I'm using my Wicked Old Laptop, which has internet, MS Word, and Screenwriter, which means I can't do much.

So...art for sale = money = monitor. There you go. I'm not sure what variety of whore this makes me, although I'm sure I'm one with a heart of gold!

The final one-sheet for Sorority Row has been released. So long, weird pile o'coeds!

I find it curious that this poster is being used for marketing, because it clearly gives away a major plot point: the killer plays a deadly, sadistic game in which s/he lures young women into a macabre photo booth! Is it the booth itself which is eeeevil- cursed, mayhaps? Does the booth kill the girls (via poisoned gas or pointy things), or does the killer make the girls pose as s/he kills them? I can't wait to find out!

And find out, I'm almost ashamed to admit, I shall. The film, which opens on September 11, is likely to be a trainwreck, but I don't really care. Why? Well, I'm a fan of the original, which is usually good motivation to stay away from a remake- oddly enough that's not true for me this time. In fact, I'm hoping that Sorority Row will help facilitate a re-release of the original on DVD, 'cause it's out of print, hard to find, and wicked expensive.

I'm also a fan of movies where friends swear to keep a secret and it comes back to bit them in the ass, ie kill them. I can't explain it- that plot is simply one of those tried-n-true formulas that endlessly entertains me.

Also, Carrie Fisher as house mother. That alone is reason enough!

So, are you going to see it? Are you even looking forward to it maybe just a little bit? It's okay, you can share. We're all friends here.

Okay, someone might laugh at you. But I swear, it'll be because of what you're wearing, not because of your taste in horror cinema.

Oh, and incidentally, when I use "s/he" to describe the killer, I don't mean "he-she".

Or do I?

UPDATE! Through the mighty power of Twitter, a kind cyberfriend clued me in that YES, House on Sorority Row is getting a 25th Anniversary DVD release in November. Yarrrrr! Why, it looks as if they're even using the sleazy original poster art for the cover, which is rarer than a unicorn with two horns! Yarrrrr x 10!

...AMC day! Wherein this week, if thou shouldst follow the linkage, you will behold a column by moi about blaxploitation horror movies. Scream, Horror Hacker, Scream!

...comic book day! It's true. Those of you out there who are not nerds may not know it, but Wednesday is the day all the new comics hit the shops. Soooo...I'm gonna point you to this interview with my pal Brent Schoonover. Why? Well, obviously because he's righteous. Also, because I'm inking his pencils on a little comic book called Vincent Price Presents! Yes, finally, Vincent Price is a comic book star. Our issue is forthcoming, and I'll be sure to keep you updated. The series is published by Bluewater Productions, an indie company who put out an eclectic mix of horror and political titles...yes, comics based on the Leprechaun franchise and the life of Michelle Obama are cranked off the same presses. As they should be.

At ant rate, here's a swell page by Brent and me, featuring Vincent gettin' his sweat on. Click to make it BIGGER!

Brent is a horror movie fan and a terrific artist; I saw this commission on his site and I had to repost it here. Mind you, I had to get a new keyboard first, as I'd drooled all over my last one when I saw this (again, click to embiggen):

...Prince Spaghetti Day! Or at least, that's what the Prince Spaghetti Company tried to convince us New Englanders back in the day. So...I'm programmed to eat pasta on hump day, even though Prince no longer exists and I'm on the left coast now. Hooray!

...or, Let Me Tell You About My Grandchildren Camping Trip.

Yes, friends, it's time for the long-awaited* final installment of the saga of the making of Voyeur, a short film by Shannon Lark. I held the camera.

Part one of the making of Voyeur can be read here, part two here, part three here, and part four here.
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STACIE PONDER: If the road from San Francisco to Stockton does, in fact, run through the bowels of Hell (as I surmised in our last installment), then the road from Stockton to Sasquatch Mountain runs through the bowels of said bowels. The drive was so incredibly hot, my sweat turned to steam and my face exploded in flames. LITERALLY. I’m fine now, but boy was I miserable THEN.

SHANNON LARK: It was so hot I thought I peed all over Stacie's seat, but then I realized that I was just sitting in my own sweat. Phew!

STACIE PONDER: Things cooled off and got better as we busted a move into the Sasquatch Mountain region…or, as our government insists on calling it, “Sequoia and Kings Canyon National Park.” If you ask me, they would see a revenue rise of AT LEAST 1% if they changed the name, but whatevs. Anyway, I was all agog at the sights and yes, the big ass trees when suddenly a ranger pulled me over. Yes, I got pulled over in a National Park by a ranger…for having a dead taillight. I’m sure the sordid details of my life on the wrong side of the tracks come as some sort of shock to you, but please- don’t judge. Or if you must, then judge my parents, Mad Magazine, and Elvira’s Movie Macabre- it’s because of those things that I am the way I am. Ranger Trotter was very nice and let me go with a…well, a warning, I guess. Despite the fact that she was very nice, however, Shannon and I nicknamed her “Hot to Trotter” and speculated about her promiscuous ways for the remainder of our time in the park.

SHANNON LARK: I think she bursts out of a cake and does a nightly striptease.

STACIE PONDER: We reached the top of the mountain (about 8000 feet) and began down the other side, heading towards the Visitor’s Center, where we figured we’d get all our campsite info, blah blah blah. After 20 minutes of steep descent and insane switchback driving, I thought I felt my brakes getting…mushy. And I could smell ‘em getting…stinky. I commented as much to Shannon, but what could we do? Within minutes, though, my brake pedal went all the way to the fucking floor- which was the moment I decided to, you know, pull over.

SHANNON LARK: I got the feeling we were gonna go over the hill at Sasquatch Mountain, never to be found again, not even by Trotter. Besides, all the sweating made me have to pee.

STACIE PONDER: So there we were, stuck halfway down the mountain with virtually no brakes. Shannon called the ranger station and we sat…and sat…and sat waiting for them to arrive. The sun sank below the horizon, Shannon peed in the woods, and I fretted the fact that whatever the problem with my car was, it was going to cost some money. I also took pictures of the sunset, which was all, like, beautiful and whatever.

Finally the rangers arrived, assessed the situation, and made two suggestions: we could either continue down the mountain, or they could call a tow, which would take several MORE hours to arrive. After a moment’s thought, I figured eh, let’s keep going. My car has a standard transmission; heading down a mountain with virtually no brakes is but ALMOST completely terrifying if you do it in first gear. Since I’m typing this, I think it’s safe for you to assume that we made it.

We got to a campsite after dark, which made for an interesting setup…not to mention that we had no wood, no lighter fluid, no pillows, and no blankets. But we persevered! As Shannon set up the tent, I went and nicely asked our neighbor if we could borrow some lighter fluid. She wasn’t thrilled with the notion, even telling me not to use it all- but she obliged. We pilfered firewood, started a fire, and busted out our warm beers. We didn’t have a bottle opener either, but I managed to open them on a big rock, all cave lady style.

The next day we set about getting my brakes fixed: there was a random garage plopped in the middle of an orange grove that was maybe a half hour away. They fixed my brakes up REAL GOOD friends, and it was cheap. So, if you ever experience car trouble on Sasquatch Mountain, I recommend that guy in the orange grove. I think his name is Robert something…unless the scorching sun that beat on my face during the drive melted my brain and I imagined the whole thing. It’s possible.

SHANNON LARK: I think we felt pretty cool: run-in with the law, brakes go out, no fire, warm beer with no bottle opener, not even a fucking blanket (we used curtains) and we made it. Not only that, we had fun! Robert was awesome.

STACIE PONDER: Shannon and I spent two days on Sasquatch Mountain, doing a bit of hiking and a whole lot of pants peeing when a bear walked by our campsite twice. We paid a visit to good ol’ General Sherman- or, as you might know him, the largest tree in the whole fucking world. Good times…but we had to head back to Los Angeles to tackle the issues with the Voyeur footage. Crap times.

SHANNON LARK: Ugh.

STACIE PONDER: We THOUGHT it would be a breeze, that we could dump the footage onto my computer, convert it, and transfer it to Shannon’s laptop…but nothing computer-related is EVER as easy as you think it’s going to be. Finally, we discovered that we needed Final Cut Pro, and I’m running Final Cut Express. I called my friend Brian, who brought his FCP-flavored laptop over…still no joy. Eventually Brian left, but Shannon and I stayed up until 5:30am trying to get it to work. Nothing.

SHANNON LARK: We tried every conceivable possibility, and it was like a bitch slap in the face. By the end, Stacie and I agreed that if she could get the files, she would transfer them onto tape so I can hopefully see them one day.

STACIE PONDER: Shannon had to fly home later that morning, and she had to do so empty-handed. Well, with regards to footage, anyway- she did bring all the rest of her crap back to New Mexico. She left behind her hard drive, however, so I could continue working on the problem. At that point, we hadn’t even SEEN the Voyeur footage. What if it was corrupted? What if it stunk? What if we’d wasted all that time and effort? Fucking memory card compatibility bullshit. TAPES, my friends, are the way to go.

I worked for the next several days, rendering, re-rendering, importing, exporting, cursing, threatening…and finally, somehow I transferred the footage from their raw, unusable format into .mov file, which Shannon could use in Premiere. I have no idea what voodoo combination finally worked, and I’m sure I could never do it again…which is fine, because I won’t need to. I USE TAPES. I sent everything to Shannon and washed my hands of Voyeur; now I’m just anxiously awaiting the finished product along with the rest of you.

SHANNON LARK: I received the tapes a few days later, in a big happy birthday package with a big ol' birthday note that said blablabla love, Stacie Ponder. It was brilliant. The tapes worked and I could see stuff! YAY!! Voyeur should be released soon, with Ponder and Lark smeared all over it, like sticky sweat that makes you need to pee.

*your interest may vary