Traditional Garage And Shed

Traditional Garage And Shed -

BLOODvember Day 6: THE BEYOND (1981)


Y'all, I have had Fulci on the brain for quite some time now. At some point in the last year or so, I went from being a "some of his movies are okay" kinda gal to a "I REALLY LOVE SOME OF HIS MOVIES" kinda woman. I don't know how it happened, exactly, but I feel like some rom-com person who finally realizes that that nerd in glasses I've known forever is actually the love of my life, but then I realize I'm just looking in a mirror or something. I don't know. The point is, Fulci! I've got him on the brain but I've super got The Beyond on the brain because (GASP) I'm going to see it next month in a thee-ay-tur for the very first time, and Fabio GD Frizzi will be there performing the score live. I tells ya, I am so excited I could puke up my guts like I'm some lady in City of the Living Dead!

The Beyond is the second film in the Gates of Hell trilogy, which...what a trilogy. I really adore the concept of it, that somewhere out there (beneath the pale moonlight) there are seven gates to Hell just a-waitin' to be opened so the dead can spill forth and lay waste to us all. It's a terrifying thought! And not only because, according to Fulci, the deadpocalypse would be really, really gross.

But for all the memorable blood and goo and guts and eyeball trauma in The Beyond, it's this image from the movie's ending that really sticks with me. Non-believer John and Liza–poor Liza, who just wanted something to go right in her life for once–are struck blind and stranded in the dismal wasteland of Hell.


"And you will face the sea of darkness and all therein that may be explored!"

I mean, there are bleak endings, and then there's The Beyond. Not only will our hero and heroine suffer unjustly for an eternity, it's also that, as I said, Hell is a wasteland. No fires, no brimstone, no demons...the landscape isn't drenched in red, nor is it some Event Horizon-style bacchanalia of torture (or sex-torture, even) and gore. There is nothing. It all feels so hopeless, and the thought that this is what awaits us after death is enough to get me looking into cryogenics options. Or heck, maybe it's time for me to become the blood baroness I've always fantasized about being. Yeah, that's it. You're not gonna get me, sea of darkness!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a bath. You know. In blood.

BLOODvember Day 6: THE BEYOND (1981)


Y'all, I have had Fulci on the brain for quite some time now. At some point in the last year or so, I went from being a "some of his movies are okay" kinda gal to a "I REALLY LOVE SOME OF HIS MOVIES" kinda woman. I don't know how it happened, exactly, but I feel like some rom-com person who finally realizes that that nerd in glasses I've known forever is actually the love of my life, but then I realize I'm just looking in a mirror or something. I don't know. The point is, Fulci! I've got him on the brain but I've super got The Beyond on the brain because (GASP) I'm going to see it next month in a thee-ay-tur for the very first time, and Fabio GD Frizzi will be there performing the score live. I tells ya, I am so excited I could puke up my guts like I'm some lady in City of the Living Dead!

The Beyond is the second film in the Gates of Hell trilogy, which...what a trilogy. I really adore the concept of it, that somewhere out there (beneath the pale moonlight) there are seven gates to Hell just a-waitin' to be opened so the dead can spill forth and lay waste to us all. It's a terrifying thought! And not only because, according to Fulci, the deadpocalypse would be really, really gross.

But for all the memorable blood and goo and guts and eyeball trauma in The Beyond, it's this image from the movie's ending that really sticks with me. Non-believer John and Liza–poor Liza, who just wanted something to go right in her life for once–are struck blind and stranded in the dismal wasteland of Hell.


"And you will face the sea of darkness and all therein that may be explored!"

I mean, there are bleak endings, and then there's The Beyond. Not only will our hero and heroine suffer unjustly for an eternity, it's also that, as I said, Hell is a wasteland. No fires, no brimstone, no demons...the landscape isn't drenched in red, nor is it some Event Horizon-style bacchanalia of torture (or sex-torture, even) and gore. There is nothing. It all feels so hopeless, and the thought that this is what awaits us after death is enough to get me looking into cryogenics options. Or heck, maybe it's time for me to become the blood baroness I've always fantasized about being. Yeah, that's it. You're not gonna get me, sea of darkness!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a bath. You know. In blood.

BLOODvember Day 6: THE BEYOND (1981)


Y'all, I have had Fulci on the brain for quite some time now. At some point in the last year or so, I went from being a "some of his movies are okay" kinda gal to a "I REALLY LOVE SOME OF HIS MOVIES" kinda woman. I don't know how it happened, exactly, but I feel like some rom-com person who finally realizes that that nerd in glasses I've known forever is actually the love of my life, but then I realize I'm just looking in a mirror or something. I don't know. The point is, Fulci! I've got him on the brain but I've super got The Beyond on the brain because (GASP) I'm going to see it next month in a thee-ay-tur for the very first time, and Fabio GD Frizzi will be there performing the score live. I tells ya, I am so excited I could puke up my guts like I'm some lady in City of the Living Dead!

The Beyond is the second film in the Gates of Hell trilogy, which...what a trilogy. I really adore the concept of it, that somewhere out there (beneath the pale moonlight) there are seven gates to Hell just a-waitin' to be opened so the dead can spill forth and lay waste to us all. It's a terrifying thought! And not only because, according to Fulci, the deadpocalypse would be really, really gross.

But for all the memorable blood and goo and guts and eyeball trauma in The Beyond, it's this image from the movie's ending that really sticks with me. Non-believer John and Liza–poor Liza, who just wanted something to go right in her life for once–are struck blind and stranded in the dismal wasteland of Hell.


"And you will face the sea of darkness and all therein that may be explored!"

I mean, there are bleak endings, and then there's The Beyond. Not only will our hero and heroine suffer unjustly for an eternity, it's also that, as I said, Hell is a wasteland. No fires, no brimstone, no demons...the landscape isn't drenched in red, nor is it some Event Horizon-style bacchanalia of torture (or sex-torture, even) and gore. There is nothing. It all feels so hopeless, and the thought that this is what awaits us after death is enough to get me looking into cryogenics options. Or heck, maybe it's time for me to become the blood baroness I've always fantasized about being. Yeah, that's it. You're not gonna get me, sea of darkness!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a bath. You know. In blood.

BLOODvember Day 6: THE BEYOND (1981)


Y'all, I have had Fulci on the brain for quite some time now. At some point in the last year or so, I went from being a "some of his movies are okay" kinda gal to a "I REALLY LOVE SOME OF HIS MOVIES" kinda woman. I don't know how it happened, exactly, but I feel like some rom-com person who finally realizes that that nerd in glasses I've known forever is actually the love of my life, but then I realize I'm just looking in a mirror or something. I don't know. The point is, Fulci! I've got him on the brain but I've super got The Beyond on the brain because (GASP) I'm going to see it next month in a thee-ay-tur for the very first time, and Fabio GD Frizzi will be there performing the score live. I tells ya, I am so excited I could puke up my guts like I'm some lady in City of the Living Dead!

The Beyond is the second film in the Gates of Hell trilogy, which...what a trilogy. I really adore the concept of it, that somewhere out there (beneath the pale moonlight) there are seven gates to Hell just a-waitin' to be opened so the dead can spill forth and lay waste to us all. It's a terrifying thought! And not only because, according to Fulci, the deadpocalypse would be really, really gross.

But for all the memorable blood and goo and guts and eyeball trauma in The Beyond, it's this image from the movie's ending that really sticks with me. Non-believer John and Liza–poor Liza, who just wanted something to go right in her life for once–are struck blind and stranded in the dismal wasteland of Hell.


"And you will face the sea of darkness and all therein that may be explored!"

I mean, there are bleak endings, and then there's The Beyond. Not only will our hero and heroine suffer unjustly for an eternity, it's also that, as I said, Hell is a wasteland. No fires, no brimstone, no demons...the landscape isn't drenched in red, nor is it some Event Horizon-style bacchanalia of torture (or sex-torture, even) and gore. There is nothing. It all feels so hopeless, and the thought that this is what awaits us after death is enough to get me looking into cryogenics options. Or heck, maybe it's time for me to become the blood baroness I've always fantasized about being. Yeah, that's it. You're not gonna get me, sea of darkness!

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go take a bath. You know. In blood.

BLOODvember Day 5: THE DESCENT (2005)


Yes, that date in the header says 2005, and yes it is correct, which means that The Descent is almost 15 years old. And here I was, feeling ancient because The Witch is gonna turn five soon. Meanwhile The Descent is out here ready to start hounding all of us to get her learner's permit. Next thing you know it'll be "Can I borrow the car? We're meeting at the mall and then later we're gonna go to Friendly's" and I'll say "I thought you were going to Boreham Caverns?" and then she'll go "More like Boredom Caverns" and that's the last I'll ever see of her because she'll get eaten by crawlers whilst enjoying a Jim Dandy sundae, or perhaps a Fribble.

Anyway, I recently watched The Descent for, yes, an episode of Gaylords of Darkness and yes, it absolutely holds up. I thought maybe the bloom would have fallen a wee bit off the rose, but no. NO I SAY. It's still fantastic, still one of the best horror films of the new millenium, if not of all time.

One of the reasons for that is this utterly startling moment, when the crawlers are finally revealed in all their creepy. disgusting glory:


It takes so long to get there–this scene occurs about an hour in–and we don't care in the least. From the feelings of claustrophobia that are induced by all those too-small tunnels to the feelings of hopelessness because these women are well and truly fucked, we're already on edge and terrified. The crawlers show up, the violence kicks in, and our heroines are picked off one by one in rather rapid succession. I've seen it so many times now, yet I still hope that Sarah and Beth will get out...and Sam and Rebecca...okay, even shitty Juno and, yeah, I guess even Holly. Ultimately this movie is such a tragedy, but damn if it isn't gory, delightful fun in getting there.

BLOODvember Day 5: THE DESCENT (2005)


Yes, that date in the header says 2005, and yes it is correct, which means that The Descent is almost 15 years old. And here I was, feeling ancient because The Witch is gonna turn five soon. Meanwhile The Descent is out here ready to start hounding all of us to get her learner's permit. Next thing you know it'll be "Can I borrow the car? We're meeting at the mall and then later we're gonna go to Friendly's" and I'll say "I thought you were going to Boreham Caverns?" and then she'll go "More like Boredom Caverns" and that's the last I'll ever see of her because she'll get eaten by crawlers whilst enjoying a Jim Dandy sundae, or perhaps a Fribble.

Anyway, I recently watched The Descent for, yes, an episode of Gaylords of Darkness and yes, it absolutely holds up. I thought maybe the bloom would have fallen a wee bit off the rose, but no. NO I SAY. It's still fantastic, still one of the best horror films of the new millenium, if not of all time.

One of the reasons for that is this utterly startling moment, when the crawlers are finally revealed in all their creepy. disgusting glory:


It takes so long to get there–this scene occurs about an hour in–and we don't care in the least. From the feelings of claustrophobia that are induced by all those too-small tunnels to the feelings of hopelessness because these women are well and truly fucked, we're already on edge and terrified. The crawlers show up, the violence kicks in, and our heroines are picked off one by one in rather rapid succession. I've seen it so many times now, yet I still hope that Sarah and Beth will get out...and Sam and Rebecca...okay, even shitty Juno and, yeah, I guess even Holly. Ultimately this movie is such a tragedy, but damn if it isn't gory, delightful fun in getting there.

BLOODvember Day 5: THE DESCENT (2005)


Yes, that date in the header says 2005, and yes it is correct, which means that The Descent is almost 15 years old. And here I was, feeling ancient because The Witch is gonna turn five soon. Meanwhile The Descent is out here ready to start hounding all of us to get her learner's permit. Next thing you know it'll be "Can I borrow the car? We're meeting at the mall and then later we're gonna go to Friendly's" and I'll say "I thought you were going to Boreham Caverns?" and then she'll go "More like Boredom Caverns" and that's the last I'll ever see of her because she'll get eaten by crawlers whilst enjoying a Jim Dandy sundae, or perhaps a Fribble.

Anyway, I recently watched The Descent for, yes, an episode of Gaylords of Darkness and yes, it absolutely holds up. I thought maybe the bloom would have fallen a wee bit off the rose, but no. NO I SAY. It's still fantastic, still one of the best horror films of the new millenium, if not of all time.

One of the reasons for that is this utterly startling moment, when the crawlers are finally revealed in all their creepy. disgusting glory:


It takes so long to get there–this scene occurs about an hour in–and we don't care in the least. From the feelings of claustrophobia that are induced by all those too-small tunnels to the feelings of hopelessness because these women are well and truly fucked, we're already on edge and terrified. The crawlers show up, the violence kicks in, and our heroines are picked off one by one in rather rapid succession. I've seen it so many times now, yet I still hope that Sarah and Beth will get out...and Sam and Rebecca...okay, even shitty Juno and, yeah, I guess even Holly. Ultimately this movie is such a tragedy, but damn if it isn't gory, delightful fun in getting there.

Recipe: Chocolate Mousse Layer Cake

#dessert, #baking, #food photography, #cake, #food porn

BLOODvember Day 4: THE FOG (1980)


I know I've talked about John Carpenter's The Fog before, how I love it endlessly and dream of living a Stevie Wayne life. Heck, I bet I've even talked about this specific moment before...but I'm not gonna spool up the microfiche and dig through the Final Girl archives to find out. That's the past and I live in the now, baby, the 100% now where I wanna talk about poor Mrs. Kobritz. Because poor Mrs, Kobritz, amirite?


What a great shot from a great, scary scene from a great, great, scary movie. They wouldn't kill a gramma, would they? Fuck yeah, they would! Those ghosts snatch that nice old lady and her nice old cardigan and they beat her to death. It's wisely kept out of frame, but we know what's happening and poor little Andy knows what's happening and it's brutal. That sweater and that Q-Tip hair and those glasses have always reminded me of my gramma and phew! I admire the moxie of a movie where no potential victim is off the table even while it bums me out.

The Fog is a quick wisp of a film, so small and simple, just a bunch of terrific, moody set pieces all stitched together. Many of the characters don't meet face to face, or maybe they cluster together at the last minute as they seek shelter from the eerie, mysterious fog and the deadly ghosts lurking within it. The characters aren't overly well developed but it doesn't much matter. We know enough to feel like we know them, and we get invested in their well-being. Adrienne Barbeau is, of course, perfect and completely sells "helpless terror" as she watches the fog roll in from her radio station atop the lighthouse. In fact, you couldn't ask for a better cast for this yarn–it's jam-packed with Carpenter mainstays like Charles Cyphers, Tom Atkins, Nancy Loomis, and Jamie Lee Curtis, and rounded out with talent like Hal Holbrook, John Houseman, and Janet Leigh.

And what a yarn it is. Mr. Machen sets us up with a ghost story at the top of it and then we watch it all play out. And best of all, we learn some important life lessons: be nice to lepers, and do not steal!

Man, The Fog fuckin' rules!

BLOODvember Day 4: THE FOG (1980)


I know I've talked about John Carpenter's The Fog before, how I love it endlessly and dream of living a Stevie Wayne life. Heck, I bet I've even talked about this specific moment before...but I'm not gonna spool up the microfiche and dig through the Final Girl archives to find out. That's the past and I live in the now, baby, the 100% now where I wanna talk about poor Mrs. Kobritz. Because poor Mrs, Kobritz, amirite?


What a great shot from a great, scary scene from a great, great, scary movie. They wouldn't kill a gramma, would they? Fuck yeah, they would! Those ghosts snatch that nice old lady and her nice old cardigan and they beat her to death. It's wisely kept out of frame, but we know what's happening and poor little Andy knows what's happening and it's brutal. That sweater and that Q-Tip hair and those glasses have always reminded me of my gramma and phew! I admire the moxie of a movie where no potential victim is off the table even while it bums me out.

The Fog is a quick wisp of a film, so small and simple, just a bunch of terrific, moody set pieces all stitched together. Many of the characters don't meet face to face, or maybe they cluster together at the last minute as they seek shelter from the eerie, mysterious fog and the deadly ghosts lurking within it. The characters aren't overly well developed but it doesn't much matter. We know enough to feel like we know them, and we get invested in their well-being. Adrienne Barbeau is, of course, perfect and completely sells "helpless terror" as she watches the fog roll in from her radio station atop the lighthouse. In fact, you couldn't ask for a better cast for this yarn–it's jam-packed with Carpenter mainstays like Charles Cyphers, Tom Atkins, Nancy Loomis, and Jamie Lee Curtis, and rounded out with talent like Hal Holbrook, John Houseman, and Janet Leigh.

And what a yarn it is. Mr. Machen sets us up with a ghost story at the top of it and then we watch it all play out. And best of all, we learn some important life lessons: be nice to lepers, and do not steal!

Man, The Fog fuckin' rules!

BLOODvember Day 4: THE FOG (1980)


I know I've talked about John Carpenter's The Fog before, how I love it endlessly and dream of living a Stevie Wayne life. Heck, I bet I've even talked about this specific moment before...but I'm not gonna spool up the microfiche and dig through the Final Girl archives to find out. That's the past and I live in the now, baby, the 100% now where I wanna talk about poor Mrs. Kobritz. Because poor Mrs, Kobritz, amirite?


What a great shot from a great, scary scene from a great, great, scary movie. They wouldn't kill a gramma, would they? Fuck yeah, they would! Those ghosts snatch that nice old lady and her nice old cardigan and they beat her to death. It's wisely kept out of frame, but we know what's happening and poor little Andy knows what's happening and it's brutal. That sweater and that Q-Tip hair and those glasses have always reminded me of my gramma and phew! I admire the moxie of a movie where no potential victim is off the table even while it bums me out.

The Fog is a quick wisp of a film, so small and simple, just a bunch of terrific, moody set pieces all stitched together. Many of the characters don't meet face to face, or maybe they cluster together at the last minute as they seek shelter from the eerie, mysterious fog and the deadly ghosts lurking within it. The characters aren't overly well developed but it doesn't much matter. We know enough to feel like we know them, and we get invested in their well-being. Adrienne Barbeau is, of course, perfect and completely sells "helpless terror" as she watches the fog roll in from her radio station atop the lighthouse. In fact, you couldn't ask for a better cast for this yarn–it's jam-packed with Carpenter mainstays like Charles Cyphers, Tom Atkins, Nancy Loomis, and Jamie Lee Curtis, and rounded out with talent like Hal Holbrook, John Houseman, and Janet Leigh.

And what a yarn it is. Mr. Machen sets us up with a ghost story at the top of it and then we watch it all play out. And best of all, we learn some important life lessons: be nice to lepers, and do not steal!

Man, The Fog fuckin' rules!

Ice-Cream, Chocolate

#ice-cream, #chocolate

Gingerbread Layer Cake With Salted Whiskey Caramel

Darwin Babes
#cake, #gingerbread

BLOODvember Day 3: The Witch (2015)


First of all, I would like to point out the obvious (nothing but trenchant insights here at Final Girl!), which is that in January The Witch turns five. Five! Already! We are all rocketing toward the grave!

Anyway. What I love most about this New England folktale is its overwhelming atmosphere of dread. As William and his family pray and give thanks and ask God for blessings over their new plot of land, we see the long, foreboding shot of the woods, the home of the witches, and the leaves rustle in what we hope is just the wind...you can feel the evil watching, waiting, biding its time. We know that in the world of the film, the horrible tales are true. The witch is real, she is nearby, and she will bring about death and ruin. (For some. For others, she brings salvation.)

The entire movie is the very definition of a slow burn. It's a mood that keeps racheting up the tension until we're fit to burst. When the "horror moments" come, they are punctuation marks, made that much more startling by the unease that's been building since the start.

This is one of those moments:


Katherine, driven mad with grief and worry and hunger, imagines she cradles and nurses her lost babe Samuel. When the camera pulls back and we see it's actually a crow ripping and tearing at her breast...I said OH MY GOD out loud in the theatre without intending to. It's the most shocked I can recall being for the past, well, maybe ever. Completely unexpected, completely horrifying, completely insane. This movie rules hard.