
Believe you me, sisters and brothers, I realize that I'm a bit of an outsider. My fondness for wearing my pants backwards, my penchant to not "bathe" regularly, and my unceasing devotion to Jumpin' Jack Flash leave me squarely outside what uppity jerks might refer to as "polite" "society". Truth be told, I just don't care- I'm what the experts call "a true American Original", akin to Tupperware or Jingle Jugs. Like Wolverine or Andy Rooney, I do what I please when I please, consequences be damned. Still, when I find myself a million light years out of step with what seems to be the entire horror community, it throws me for a loop. Y'alls is sa-POSED to be mah peeps!

The movie in question that's got me feeling like an outsider- and not even an Outsider who stays gold- is Eden Lake. Word of mouth about this film was great. It seemed like the whole world was touching themselves over it and I really couldn't wait to get my hands on it. Then I did, and...I don't know man. I really didn't dig it, and that really bums me out.
Kelly Reilly and Michael Fassbender star as Jenny and Steve, a white-bread couple who decide to take a weekend holiday at a flooded quarry-cum-lake. Shortly after they arrive, they run afoul of a group of punk ass jerk kids. The punk ass jerk kids continue to act punk ass and jerky, while Steve decides he's "not going to take it". Events rapidly escalate: a dog ends up dead, Steve ends up dead, and Jenny ends up running for her life from the chav ringleader Brett (Jack O'Connell) and his homicidal bully pals.

Frankly, Jenny and Steve were so willfully stupid that I found myself simply not caring what tragedy befell them. Not that they deserved to be set upon by these psychos, but they did little to prevent it, either. From the implausible (in a pointless, drawn-out sequence, Steve breaks into the home of one of the teens and is almost caught) to the downright infuriating (Steve, pinned in place after a car crash, sends Kelly for help...Kelly promptly squats behind a tree and takes a nap) to the point where I check out (Kelly watches Steve as he's tortured, practically begging to be discovered), I rather hated them.




