Entries Tagged 'Eat My Brains' ↓

Strippers VS Zombies – The Zombiephile Reviews “Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!”

zombieszombieszombiesWow. Just, wow.

How did the world exist, thrive even, before Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! was created? And what will the world do now that we’ve experienced it? Life will truly never be the same.

Zombies! Zombies! Zombies is that classic story of boy meets stripper, boy becomes zombie, stripper kills zombie. An excellent setup for a zombie comedy (zom-com, to use the cultural vernacular).

If you can stomach the low budget, if you can handle the ridiculous dialogue delivered with tongue practically piercing cheek, if you’re up to the outrageously bad special effects, and if you like strippers, pimps, and crackwhores (this Zombiephile certainly does), you’re ready for Zombies! Zombies! Zombies!

zombies_zombies_zombies_2

Don’t be smackin’ the booty buggy, bitch!

When an experimental super space-crack starts turning regular crackwhores into zombie crackwhores, it’s up to a ragtag bang of strippers, pimps, prostitutes and the men who solicit them to survive the zombie outbreak barricaded inside of their local strip club. Certainly nowhere near as polished as classic zom-com greats like Shaun of the Dead, this movie still manages to pull off a meta-textual quality that makes it rise to the top of this Zombiephile’s pile of recent zombie movies - because honestly there’s little in the world he likes better than cheap, trashy, undead chicks.

With show-stoppingly poor dialogue (My personal favorite: “I have had it with these motherfuckin’ zombies in this motherfuckin’ strip club!”), delivered with all the enthusiasm of…whatever it is that crackwhores normally say, this movie is - well, it’s lots and lots of fun. I can’t resist sharing another line of dialogue that just couldn’t go unprinted:

Space-Crack Scientist:
“Do you know what I do here?”

Hero:
“Sure, you make crack that turns whores into zombies.”

zombies-zombies-zombies_1
“Them ain’t crackwhores, them bitches is crackwhore zombies!”

So the next time you’re thinking of taking a hit of space-crack, think twice - you could turn into a zombie, moaning around the daytime door of your favorite local strip club. Which isn’t all that bad a way to go, I suppose, as zombie outbreaks go.

For its ridiculous premise, outrageous boysenberry-syrup gore, and one incredible topless zombie-stripper fight scene, this Zombiephile gives Zombies! Zombies! Zombies! a spirited 2.5 moans out of 5 - which is actually pretty good, considering that we’re talking about a movie where a john actually pulls his car up next to a zombie prostitute, lets her in the passenger side door, and then has his penis bitten off. Sweeeeeet!

Zombies and Triffids

JosellaFor those unfamiliar with the visionary British ‘Logical Fantasy’ author John Wyndham, triffids are genetically-engineered mobile, carnivorous plants. Standing at least seven foot (over two metres) tall, and clumsily propelled by three leg-like roots, triffids share with more prosaic vegetables the ability to grow through exposure to sunlight and rainwater, and collecting nutrients from soil. However, triffids also have the ability to lash out at animals (including humans) with a long whorl, lacerating the victim, whilst delivering a poisonous dose strong enough to kill a grown man. These biological wonders then slowly digest parts of the rotting carcass.

In The Day of the Triffids, the Soviet created flesh-eating hybrids, are received in the West like a Trojan Horse. Despite the lethal nature of triffids, their cultivation is encouraged on an industrial scale, since triffid-oil has health-giving properties, as well as many profitable applications. When almost everybody on Earth is rendered sightless after viewing mysterious, and hypnotic green ‘comets’, blind panic ensues, and the triffids seize their day.

The Day of the Triffids is thoughtful, compelling, and written in a style that compliments Wyndham’s rich imagination. Only the contemporary dialogue gives an indication that the story was penned six decades ago. Zombie aficionados may perceive parallels between triffids and the undead. Zombies and triffids share in common a graceless style of movement, a taste for human flesh, and a tendency to gather in large numbers. Both creatures show little regard for their individual safety, and killing one will not deter others. As with zombies, triffids can sustain a great deal of physical damage. One must also consider the differences; triffids display collective intelligence, are a communicative species, and though extremely attuned to sound, can not see.

Another aspect of Wyndham’s classic, that will resonate with zombiephiles is the presence of countless hungry souls completely unaccustomed to blindness. They make easy targets for hunting triffids, but also themselves resemble cumbersome zombies. When the lead characters are trapped in a motionless car, the pawing mob of blinded people descend on the vehicle with zombie-like menace.

As for the oft-debated question ‘Zombies versus Triffids?’ I would come down on the triffid side of the fence. In many respects zombies are a triffid’s natural prey, since Zombies are beasts rarely given to stealth. Furthermore, triffids feed on decomposing meat, which is essentially what zombies are. The poison is designed to kill humans, which are roughly the same size as zombies. They also possess greater powers of reasoning than their partially-alive opponents. Nevertheless, triffids do have an Achilles heel, namely their dread of fire. One flaming zombie would force a hundred triffids into febrile retreat.

The Zombiephile Reviews Black Sheep

Well, it was bound to happen sooner or later.

Written and directed by Jonathon King, New Zealand’s Black Sheep is probably the world’s first zombie-sheep movie, and most than likely, the last. But that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hold a special place in this Zombiephile’s heart. A cautionary tale about the dangers of mixing genetic engineering and zombies, Black Sheep bites you by the shin and doesn’t stop shaking until the movie’s outrageously climactic ending.

There’s really not much that we can say about Black Sheep. It’s about sheep. They bite people. Those people turn into zombies that are also kind of…shall we say, Sheepish? And yes, there’s even some sheep-shagging, if you know what I mean.

If you’re looking for a serious zombie movie, look elsewhere. If you’re looking for a ridiculous, hilarious story about zombie sheep eating people, you’ve come to the right place.

Five Reasons We Love Resident Evil – The Umbrella Chronicles

This Zombiephile has been killin’ zombies again. Lots of them. And it feels really, really good.

Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles, released last month and available only on the Nintendo Wii console, is an injection of zombie-slaying goodness directly into the Wii console, and it’s much appreciated. Doubtless the best shooter on the Wii console since Metroid, Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles succeeds in so many ways that it’s hard to distill just five reasons: but distill we have.

The Zombiephiles’ Five Reasons to Love Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles

5) Capcom has returned truly awful voice acting to the Resident Evil franchise.
Anyone who played the old RE games remembers that the voice acting in the first three Resident Evil titles was absolutely terrible, zero inflection, complete disregard for context and personality, real rubbish. Playing TUC almost feels like Capcom went and dug the old voice actors out of the closet to remake some of the most wonderful moments in improbably bad dialogue that we’ve ever experienced. Kudos.

4) The Umbrella Chronicles lets you relive some of the RE games’ greatest (and scariest) moments, from a perspective that actually makes sense.
We don’t mean that the plot makes sense; that’s still total garbage; we mean that the perspective of the game makes sense - you can actually aim for the head now. The overhead, cinematic camera style of the previous RE games meant it was impossible to get that most satisfying of zombie kills - the head shot. TUC puts the old RE games into a fast-paced, first-person perspective that keeps you drooling for more.

(more…)

Five Reasons We Love Resident Evil – The Umbrella Chronicles

This Zombiephile has been killin’ zombies again. Lots of them. And it feels really, really good.

Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles, released last month and available only on the Nintendo Wii console, is an injection of zombie-slaying goodness directly into the Wii console, and it’s much appreciated. Doubtless the best shooter on the Wii console since Metroid, Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles succeeds in so many ways that it’s hard to distill just five reasons: but distill we have.

The Zombiephiles’ Five Reasons to Love Resident Evil: The Umbrella Chronicles

5) Capcom has returned truly awful voice acting to the Resident Evil franchise.
Anyone who played the old RE games remembers that the voice acting in the first three Resident Evil titles was absolutely terrible, zero inflection, complete disregard for context and personality, real rubbish. Playing TUC almost feels like Capcom went and dug the old voice actors out of the closet to remake some of the most wonderful moments in improbably bad dialogue that we’ve ever experienced. Kudos.

4) The Umbrella Chronicles lets you relive some of the RE games’ greatest (and scariest) moments, from a perspective that actually makes sense.
We don’t mean that the plot makes sense; that’s still total garbage; we mean that the perspective of the game makes sense - you can actually aim for the head now. The overhead, cinematic camera style of the previous RE games meant it was impossible to get that most satisfying of zombie kills - the head shot. TUC puts the old RE games into a fast-paced, first-person perspective that keeps you drooling for more.

(more…)